Hostage
by xXKuroshitsujifangirl96Xx
Summary: What Castiel thinks is going to be a simple trip to the bank turns out to be a lot more than he wanted to get himself into that day, especially by the hands of notorious serial killer Dean Winchester. Rated M for graphic sex and violence. Serial Killer AU. Destiel/DeanCas
1. Chapter 1

Castiel hated the bank. He didn't know if it was due to all the fake smiling that made him cringe inside or if it had to do with the fact that he had to talk to people face to face. Whatever it was, he didn't enjoy it.

It was a Thursday and Castiel had to deposit a check before 2pm or it wouldn't go through until the next day. He needed to go grocery shopping, it had been almost 3 days since he had eaten.

Castiel actually did pretty well financially as an accountant. It wasn't the most exciting work, but he always had money to spare so he wasn't complaining.

The reason he hadn't eaten in awhile though, is that Castiel isn't good with eating. Doctors had told him that he had an eating disorder, but he refused to listen and couldn't be forced into any sort of treatment. One of the perks of being in your early thirties.

Castiel got to the front of the line he was in at the second teller. His bank didn't have a drive through so he had no other choice but to go inside.

The man next to him at the first teller looked vaguely familiar, but Castiel shook it off because honestly he was too tired to think anymore. After depositing his check and turning around to start heading out the door, Castiel heard something. Gunshots.

Fuck. Something just _had_ to fuck his day up.

Castiel turned back to the direction the shots were heard. His limbs froze as he saw the first teller on the floor and bleeding out from the head and left arm.

The green eyed man that stood beside him just seconds ago wielded a pistol in his hand. The sad thing about the situation was, instead of being shocked about the killing, Castiel was shocked at how beautiful the man was.

Once shock set in Castiel found himself unable to move. He watched the man with a light, beautiful splay of freckles on his tanned skin start screaming at the second teller to go and get money from the back.

After the woman ran to the back, the green eyed man turned to the crowd of bank dwellers. He grimaced and pointed the gun in their direction.

"Get on the ground, don't fucking talk, and you'll get to keep your brains."

As if on cue everyone dropped to the ground and not one of them dared to move.

Castiel was still standing though. He had been entranced by the man essentially robbing a bank and murdering anyone that got in his way. He felt his stomach twitch. Castiel wasn't sure if it was from lack of food or from the butterflies he felt like that of a teenage girl looking at her crush in the hallway at school.

The bank teller came back to the lobby with the money, crying from the anxiety and handed the money to the criminal.

The guy had noticed that Castiel was still standing and staring at him. He was about to go over and shove his gun against Castiel's head and force him to the ground but upon hearing sirens, the man stopped.

Green eyes shifted from one side of the room to the other. He looked frantic, searching.

The next thing Castiel knew, he was being thrown over the man's shoulder and was hauled out of the bank. There were police cars surrounding the place and armed policemen waiting for the criminal to come on out.

Castiel heard a lot of shouting and felt like he was going to throw up. He felt a gun pressed to his head and a shout of

"Come near me and I'll fucking shoot him!"

The cops laid off as the man threw Castiel in the passenger seat of his car and shut the door. After getting into the driver's seat and starting the engine, he drove off hastily leaving behind a dead woman and many pissed off policemen.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The man had drove them onto a back road away from any people. Castiel glanced over to the green eyed man driving the 1967 Chevy Impala and finally felt the lump in his throat go away.

He coughed into his fist before speaking to break the silence.

"Dean Winchester?" Castiel didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but his voice had a tendency to do that when he was nervous.

Dean smiled and turned to Castiel for a brief moment. "Bingo."

Castiel nodded once, as if to confirm it to himself once more. He stared out the window. "I've seen you on the news before. A lot."

Dean's smile only grew as he kept his eyes on the road. Being on televison felt great (even if it wasn't for something good) but being recognized felt even better.

"I thought so, those idiots have been trying to catch me for months. Been on every news channel by now. It'd be weird if you _didn't_ know who I was."

Castiel narrowed his eyes. There was something a little unsettling about how Dean took pride in being known for something so vulgar.

Castiel turned to face Dean again. "Yes, but what I don't understand is why you just robbed a bank. I thought you were a serial killer?"

Dean skidded the Impala into and open field, throwing Castiel a little off balance since he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Dean put the car into park and faced Castiel to answer.

"Killin' is fun but you can't get a job being a mass murderer and all. I was low on cash and had to do something." He shrugged, feigning innocence and pouting out his full bottom lip.

Castiel hated to admit it, but Dean was actually kind of endearing.

"And with that being said…." Dean reached back into the back seat to rummage through a duffel bag. He pulled something silver out a smirked. "The cops won't be so keen to shoot at me if I've got me a hostage. So I'm going to keep you close."

Castiel found himself handcuffed and thrown into the backseat. Luckily the seat was actually very comfortable. He was still tired after all, exhausted even. And going without food for a few days only made the feeling worse. Before he knew it, Castiel was fast asleep in the back of an infamous serial killer's Impala.

* * *

Let me know if you like this idea or not. Or if there's anything you'd like to see happen.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel woke up in the backseat and felt his wrists aching. He managed to sit up and lay against the door.

"What time is it?" He groaned, feeling the opposite from refreshed after his little 'nap'. It was dark outside and they were on a highway.

Dean looked down at his cell phone and then back at the road. "a little past 2am."

Castiel felt like going back to sleep with the lulling of the engine and the sound of the other cars passing. But the damn handcuffs digging into his arms were protesting his comfort.

"Dean…" Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not going to go anywhere, please take these things off of me."

Dean actually considers it for a moment, thinking the guy at least deserves to be a comfortable hostage. He'd never had a hostage before because he ended up killing anyone he crossed paths with that recognized him.

"Nope."

Castiel could hear that damn smirk in his voice; he didn't need to look at him. Since the verdict had been made, Castiel knew he wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep.

Castiel really was comforted by the atmosphere. Maybe it was because he liked road trips and being on a highway at night in the backseat made him feel like a kid again.

"So why do you do it?" the question came out sort of flat. If he couldn't sleep, he'd ask questions.

Dean shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno, shits and giggles?"

Castiel rolled his eyes and then narrowed them, blue ember burning into the back of Dean's seat.

"Seriously."

Dean sighed in annoyance. "You know I'm not too sure myself. I mean my dad killed people too. My brother abused animals when he was younger. Maybe it's in my DNA. Alls I know is that I get my kicks from it."

Castiel should have been scared of the response. Sure, he felt uneasy but his reaction wasn't to instantly start devising a plan to run away. If anything he was interested in Dean Winchester.

"What about you?"

The gruff voice cut Castiel's thoughts off. "Huh?"

Dean smiled and glanced back to face Castiel for a second. "What's your name, for starters?"

Castiel swallowed hard before answering. He actually felt a bit flattered that Dean was asking about him.

"Castiel, my name is Castiel." He spoke nervously. If he had access to his hands he'd be running them awkwardly through his hair.

Dean toyed with the name in his head. "Sounds like some bible shit. Can I just call you Cas?"

A nod was given in response and Dean saw it through the mirror.

"Good. So how old are you Cas? Got any family?" Dean was genuinely intrigued. He Hadn't had a good talk in years. It was nice to just sit with someone and not think about carving out their intestines.

"Well uh, I'm 31. I have a lot of siblings but most of them live in other states. Some in other countries now." Castiel paused, thinking for a moment about just how long it had been since he'd talked to his family. "But my brother Gabe still lives near me and we talk from time to time."

Dean nodded as Cas talked as if he were processing. "I've got a brother too."

Castiel tilted his eyebrow. "Oh?"

Dean smiled sadly. "Yep, his name was Sammy."

Castiel didn't bother to ask about the 'was', he didn't want to ask anything that might be too sensitive of a topic. After all, he was dealing with a murderer.

"Wife, girlfriend?" Dean asked again, breaking the silence of the night.

Castiel could feel his loneliness crash onto him as he heard the question. "Um…I never really…I guess I never really cared for women?"

God Cas hoped this guy wasn't homophobic.

"Ah….boyfriend?"

Cas was relieved that that was all Dean had said about it.

Castiel looked to the floor board. "No…not since I was 19. I don't really get out much. Talking to people really isn't my thing either."

Dean laughed lightly, the smile on his face creeping up. "Well you're doin' just fine talking to me."

Cas smiled in return. It was true, talking to Dean was actually kind of easy.

It was when the silence became comfortable that Castiel felt himself relaxing. He leaned against the door and went to close his eyes. They opened back up and refused to close again because of the discomfort of his situation. He rolled his eyes.

"Dean can we please pull over and get these things off of me? I just want to sleep some more." There was obvious annoyance and a hint of anger in his voice.

Dean surprisingly didn't hesitate before pulling over to the shoulder of the highway and getting out. He opened the back door, making the light on the ceiling of the Impala come on to dim the car. Dean got the key out of his pocket and went to get the cuffs off of Cas.

When Dean rolled up the other man's sleeves his eyes widened.

Castiel wondered what Dean was looking so surprised about but he followed Dean's green eyes to what they were looking at and he panicked.

Cas knew that Dean had been staring at the obvious red lines gaping in his skin. Some of them scars, some new and open widely from being too deep.

"Shit…" Dean breathed out as he put the key into the cuffs and opened them, still staring at the marred flesh of Castiel's arms.

"Leave it alone." Castiel's voice was a bit of a hiss but also had that serious tone of voice that made you not question what it was demanding.

Dean thought about giving him the third degree about it but decided that could wait. Right now he needed to find them a motel so _he_ could get some sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Once Dean pulled up to a motel with a neon sign that glowed "VACANCY"

The sound of Dean banging on the glass of the window next to Cas' head woke the blue eyed hostage up pretty abruptly.

Castiel looked out the window to give Dean a questioning look. Dean smiled and pointed his thumb towards the motel. Castiel nodded and got out, skin becoming tight with chill bumps as the November air bit into him.

Dean was walking just a few steps in front of him, bow legs walking in a steady rhythm against the pavement. His jeans were pretty old and had little frays in them so the cold wasn't making him feel all that nice. Dean turned back to Castiel, whom was looking down at the ground as he walked, hands turning red from the cold.

Dean stopped walking just before they got to the door to check in. "Hey man, that trench coat thing doesn't look too warm. When ever we gotta go somewhere you can use one of my jackets, s'no problem."

Castiel would have refused the offer at any other time but he could only nod as his teeth began to chatter on their own. All he wanted was to get in the damn motel already.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Dean got the keycard and let Cas step inside before him. The place wasn't exactly too nice, but Castiel was just thankful that the heating worked.

There were two beds separated by a table with two lamps on each end. Castiel automatically dragged the cover off of his bed and wrapped it around himself.

Dean eyed him as he sat on his own bed and reached for the remote. "You still cold?"

Castiel nodded briefly before removing his trench coat and slinging on the end of his bed. He curled up in his bed and tried ignore the fact that he could feel Dean's eyes burning into him.

"Figures. You're really thin." Dean frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "While you're with me you should eat pretty good, seeing as how I got all this cash now."

Upon hearing the mention of food Cas' stomach gave a growl that made him want to kick himself. He could hear Dean's snort of laughter from behind him.

Dean went to sit on the edge of Cas' bed. He could hear the theme song to Law & Order come on the television.

"How long's it been since you ate, Cas? If you want I can run and get us something. It's 4 in the morning so I can't exactly order pizza or anything." Dean offered, staring at the back of Cas' head.

Not only was Cas a little baffled that the thought of food actually seemed good right now, but also that Dean was being so…nice. For a serial killer this guy was pretty alright. But then again, Cas had heard that most serial killers had charming personalities, that's was lured people into them.

Cas sat up, feeling a bit dizzy. "Okay, but can I stay here? It's really fucking cold out there."

Dean thought for a second, staring intently at Cas. He really didn't see a reason not to let Cas stay by himself. He hadn't really tried to get away yet.

Dean sighed and got up. "That's cool with me. Just stay put and I'll be back in a little bit."

Cas watched Dean sling his green jacket back on and grab his car keys from the nightstand. It kinda felt good to know that Dean trusted him. If he wanted to, the guy could have just handcuffed Castiel again and made him come with.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Castiel sat and watched Law& Order for almost 2 hours. It felt nice to just lay back and watch tv. He was always stressed out from work or his depression and never found time for himself.

Castiel reached for the remote to turn the volume up and winced when he turned his arm a little too fast, opening up one of the gashes in his arm.

"Shit!" He gasped breathily, putting his hand around his arm to go over to where there was a box of tissues on the tv stand.

As Cas was holding a few tissues to his now bleeding arm he heard the door swing open. He mentally kicked himself.

Dean came walking in with a plastic white back full of items. He kicked the door shut behind him and walked over to the blue eyed man sitting on his bed hunched over.

Dean put his hand on Cas' shoulder to turn him around and see what he was doing.

Castiel made a wincing expression as Dean took a look at the blood seeping into the thin tissues. The younger man made a 'tsk' noise and walked back towards the door after sitting the bag on the table.

Dean didn't say where he was going, but he was back in a matter of minutes with a first aid kit.

Cas turned around fully to face Dean. "Where did you get that?" He graveled out.

Dean smiled a little. "Sometimes I get hurt too. Some of those suckers out there put up a good fight."

He kneeled down in front of Cas and opened up the kit. Dean pulled out a few alcohol pads and grabbed onto Cas' arm.

Castiel flinched away by instinct, his face growing apologetic.

Dean frowned a little. "Cas, c'mon. I'm used to seeing blood all the friggin' time! Just let me help out a little here and I'll leave you alone and let you eat."

Cas sighed and gave in, letting Dean take his arm into his hands and began swiping at it with the alcohol.

"So uh…" Dean began as he cleaned the open wound. "You're a cutter, huh?"

Castiel felt like he was going to throw up. This was embarrassing. He was 31 for Christ's sake, he shouldn't have to be dealing with this shit.

"Yeah…" Was all he could manage before his raspy voice gave out.

Dean nodded affirmatively. "Ain't met one since high school. Some chick in my biology class. Didn't think adults dealt with this kind of stuff."

The way Dean talked seemed very childlike sometimes. His eyes were full of wonder; so green and innocent. Cas could only wonder what those green orbs looked like when he was killing someone.

Castiel laughed bitterly. "Yeah well I guess that I'm living proof that they do. It's kind of embarrassing really."

Dean wrapped a few gauze around the wound before closing the kit and getting up.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, Cas. You handle your demons better than I do. I mean there's nothing good about cutting yourself up but I'm glad you're not out there cutting other people up to deal with your problems. Or else you'd be in a heap of shit like me."

Dean was the first person to not judge harshly after finding out about Castiel's self harming issues. It made him feel like he could tell Dean almost anything and confide in him.

Dean threw Cas a beer and walked over to hand him the bad of food he had bought.

"I'm gonna get a shower. You can go ahead and eat." Dean trailed off as he opened the door to the bathroom and shut it behind him.

Cas heard the shower come on and he could hear faint (bad) singing of Metallica coming from the bathroom. It put a rare smile on his face.

Maybe being with Dean Winchester wasn't going to be so bad after all.

* * *

Let me know what you think. Next Chapter shit starts to get real.


	4. Chapter 4

Last night had gone well, too well even. It felt like Cas was just with a friend instead of someone who had kidnapped him.

Castiel's false sense of security was shattered at the sound of the motel door slamming open so loud that it woke him from his deep sleep.

Cas sat up hastily and looked to see Dean standing in the door way, breathing heavily.

"Dean?" Cas' voice was even rougher than usual from sleep.

Dean only slammed the door shut in response, going over to pick a rag up to turn on the sink in the bathroom and leaving the door open.

Still groggy from sleep (better than he's had in awhile) Cas shuffled out of bed, pushing the thick comforter off of his thinning body. He peered into the bathroom slowly and caught the image of Dean.

He hadn't seen it when Dean had walked in due to his sleep haze, but now Castiel could see clearly. Dean's hands and under shirt that he had worn to bed last night were now soaked in blood that was turning almost black from drying.

Dean had caught sight of Cas in the mirror, green eyes being distorted by blown pupils. He turned the sink off with the rag and stuffed it in his pocket. Cas stepped further into the bathroom, watching the diluted blood mix with the water and run down the drain.

Dean turned to Cas, his breathing still labored.

"We're leaving."

Cas didn't know what to say. He wanted to know what had happened. Dean's lip was busted but he knew for sure that all that blood wasn't _his_. There was just way too much.

Dean went to gather his things off of his bed and looked to Cas and nodded towards the door. Cas followed, picking up his trench coat and slinging it over his shoulder.

They didn't bother checking out, they just left the keycard inside the room.

Dean started up the Impala and turned the radio on but kept it at a low volume. He needed something to distract his mind and a little background noise usually did the trick.

Taking one hand off the wheel, Dean brought his hand up to thumb at his bottom lip. He winced lightly.

"Shit…! Bitch kicked me." He hissed putting his hand back on the steering wheel.

Cas could hear the song on the radio lightly, he could tell by the sound that it was ACDC but didn't know which song it was exactly. He wasn't really thinking about that after all, he had some questions he was just dying to ask.

Cas finally found his voice and decided to speak up since Dean looked a little less tense than he did earlier.

"Dean…what…what happened back there?" Cas glowered, demanding an answer. Usually Cas didn't show anger all that much but with Dean he wanted to put up a façade. The last thing you want to do is show weakness to a serial killer.

Dean looked at Castiel from the corner of his eye and he could of swore he saw the mans smile.

"One of the maids recognized me when I went outside this morning."

Cas tilted his eyebrow up. "So you killed her?"

Dean scoffed lightly, eyes on the deserted road. "Hell yeah, it was either that or get my ass arrested. Besides, been itching to hurt someone."

Cas swallowed nervously. Better her than him he supposed.

"Had her throat nicked and was gonna do it nice and fast for her, but she kicked me in the face and so I decided to give her hell." Dean smiled proudly, beginning to hum along to the radio.

God, this guy was something else. Castiel stared at him in both awe and horror. He shouldn't be intrigued, he really shouldn't be. What Cas should do is whenever they stop to get gas he should get out of the car and ask someone to call the police. But he knew he wouldn't do that. Dean Winchester was just too damn interesting. Just was Cas needed in his bland life.

"Still can't believe the bitch fucked my lip up. But hey, you still think I'm cute, don't you sweetheart?" Dean teased, winking at Cas and smiling a bit too charmingly.

Castiel grimaced and rolled his eyes at the nickname. "Oh go to hell." He muttered, turning to look out the window.

Dean smiled even wider. "Been there, baby."

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

It was around noon when Dean took a gravel road that led to what looked like deserted property. The old house's wood was grey and lop sided from ware. Dean pulled up and got out.

Dean walked over to the back yard out of sight. Cas got out of the car and wondered just what the hell he was doing.

"Hey Cas, get the gas can out of the trunk for me will ya?" Dean hollered loud enough for Castiel to hear him.

Cas got the keys out of the ignition and went to open the trunk. His eyes widened.

There were countless numbers of weapons stored in that back, neatly. Dozens of knives varying in type. Dean's gun collection was pretty impressive too. But aside from weapons there were 5 bottles of bleach and a few bottles of other chemicals he didn't recognize. Cas decided to ignore the fact that he knew exactly why Dean had these in his possession and just went ahead and grabbed the gasoline.

Castiel made his way to the backyard where Dean had gone off to. Dean stood shirtless except for his green jacket. The rag from earlier and his undershirt were balled up in a pile along with some grass.

He heard Cas' crunching footsteps on top of the dead leaves on the ground and turned to him to smile. Dean reached for the gas can.

Cas watched as Dean spilled a little onto the small pile and sat the red gas can on the patchy grass. He pulled a lighter out of his jean's pocket and flicked it open, throwing it into the fire.

Cas looked to the orange flames that highlighted Dean's skin and then looked to the man's green eyes. They glistened.

Dean smiled, flashing a bit of teeth. "Should have brought her with us, coulda burned her too."

Castiel didn't know how to react really. With disgust? No that would just piss Dean off. But was he even disgusted? Anyone else would have tried to run the second they heard Dean talk about murdering someone. But the glisten in his eyes entranced Castiel to the point where he could never imagine running from Dean.

"What _did_ you do with her body?" Castiel mumbled his inquiry as he kept on staring at the fire.

Dean shrugged. "Just left her in the hallway."

Cas rolled his eyes. "Seriously? You didn't even _try _to hide her?"

Dean kicked some dirt into the fire with his boot. "Cas, I've murdered enough people that if I get caught I'll be on death row before you can even _blink_. Why bother?"

Castiel never really though about it that way. But he looked to Dean curiously.

"_If_?"

Dean smirked confidently. "Doubt I'll get caught. But if I do, baby you're coming down with me."

Cas had a bad feeling about all of this, but couldn't help the small twist of butterflies in his stomach when Dean looked at him like prey.

* * *

**Reviews encourage me to write and make me feel good! Thank you for the existing reviews, I highly appreciate it!**


	5. Chapter 5

Dean got into the driver's side of the impala and shut his door which made a creaking noise and then a slam of metal.

He had gotten a Led Zeppelin shirt out of his bag and threw it on before getting in the car. He had all sorts of shirts with bands that Cas had heard of but never really took the time to listen to.

Dean started up the engine before turning to Castiel, grinning.

"How's shower sound?" He asked simply, his face catching the light of the sun through the windshield.

Cas studied Dean's features. The sun brought out his freckles that were strewn across his face. He wondered if the rest of his body was lightly freckled as well.

"Oh uh, that sounds nice, Dean." Cas mumbled, looking down at himself and realizing he didn't have any other clothing to change into.

As if reading his mind, Dean spoke up. "You can use some of my clothes until we get to a laundry mat. Hell, since I've got cash now we can even get you some clothes, my treat." Dean grinned widely, shifting the Impala into drive.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Cas lifted an eyebrow when they pulled up to Dean's choice of hotel.

"Huh, Marriott Renaissance? We were just in some shady motel that had strange stains on the shower curtain and now we're here? Way to splurge mister Winchester." Castiel laughed lightly as he took his seatbelt off.

Dean shrugged. "It's been awhile since I've slept in a _real_ hotel. Ones with pillows worth stealing." He smiled and got out of the car, urging Cas to follow.

Castiel followed and took in the pleasant smell of the lobby as Dean checked them in. He was glad he would get to sleep in a comfortable bed tonight.

They got up to the 5th floor and Dean slid the keycard in the door slot. He opened it and threw his duffle bag onto one of the beds, claiming it as his.

"I call dibs on first shower." Dean called as he headed towards the bathroom.

Castiel nodded, not really caring that Dean didn't see it. He threw himself onto his bed that was closest to the window. It felt so nice and welcoming. It made Castiel almost forget he was traveling with a psychopath.

Castiel was daydreaming but was snapped out of it as he heard a laugh of joy boom from the bathroom.

Cas sat up quickly, wondering what Dean was so giddy about.

Dean popped his head out of the bathroom, smiling widely like a kid on Christmas morning.

Castiel lifted and eyebrow and shrugged questioningly.

Dean pointed behind him with his thumb. "Dude, they got a bathtub. Like a real nice one."

"You act like you've never had a bath before, sheesh." Cas mumbled at Dean, moving to the television guide on the tv stand to look at the channels they had.

Dean scoffed. "Yeah I've had baths before, just never a hot one.",

Castiel turned his attention back to Dean. "What do you mean?"

Dean kinda slumped. "My old man was a real dick, never let us use hot water. He said it was a waste of money and that cold water could clean ya better. Total wackjob."

Cas frowned. Dean seemed kind of…misunderstood. The more he talked the more Cas could tell that Dean never got what he needed as a child. He lacked care in his life. Maybe that's what made him decide that people worth killing. It wasn't an excuse, no not at all. Just a possible explanation. Castiel couldn't help but want to take care of Dean and make him feel important.

Dean had turned back tot the bathroom to start filling the tub up. Cas could feel the steam seeping out of the bathroom, Dean was really going hard on the hot water.

Cas turned the tv on but left it on mute. Somehow the sound of the way the water was splashing gently with Dean's every slight movement relaxed Cas. He closed his eyes, wrapping the light blue comforter beneath him around his body.

"Hey." Dean's voice came as a bit of a question.

"Hm?" Cas returned, eyes still closed.

"Come in here and talk to me. I don't like it when it's quiet. Gotta keep this head of mine busy or else I can't function properly." Dean mumbled from the bathroom.

Castiel sat up from his bed and took the comforter with him. He noticed that Dean didn't even shut the bathroom door.

Cas crept inside, blanket around him. He watched Dean's eyes on him from the tub. Dean's clothes lay askew on the floor, he was wearing nothing but the necklace he usually wore. Cas tried not to make a big deal out of the fact that he could see Dean's naked body through the clear water.

Dean smiled and leaned back against the tub, arms resting on either side of the edges.

Cas sat on the floor next to the tub with part of the blanket under him and the rest wrapped around him.

He looked up to Dean expectantly. "So?"

Dean looked at the ceiling blankly as he listened to the water drip from the faucet. "Ask me some questions."

Cas thought for a moment. There were a countless number of things he wished to know about this man, about Dean Winchester. But everything was coming to him all at once and he couldn't seem to grasp on anything. He paused.

"Tell me more about your parents."

The question echoed in the bathroom and sent Dean's veins running cold. Cas could almost _feel _the dread drop onto Dean's expression.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have asked that. You don't have t-"

"My mom's name was Mary. The old man was John." Dean looked to Cas, his expression pained but otherwise unreadable.

Dean ran a hand through his still dry hair. "My mom was the best. Always nice to me and Sammy. Dad though…"

Dean shook his head, eyebrows furrowing with the painful memories. "Dad was a real prick. If weren't for him mom would still be around."

Cas swallowed, his throat beginning to feel rather dry. "Want to elaborate on that? I mean if you don't want to I don't mind Dean, really." Cas lifted his hand to stroke Dean's arm gently.

He didn't know why, but he felt like showing affection towards Dean. He felt like the man's mind was so fragile.

"No it's fine. I haven't ever talked about her death…or my dad's. It'd be good for me." Dean smiled sickly.

Cas returned the smile, letting Dean know that he was there to listen.

Dean slunk down in the tub to put his head under water, staying under for a few seconds before coming back up. He slung his hair back with his hand, letting the droplets fly back.

A few stray hairs flitted down and made water run down his face. "My dad used to beat me. Like, full on bludgeon. That's why mom home schooled me for all of elementary and middle school. My dad didn't want me getting asked questions by any teachers. Once I was in high school though I just told everyone the bruises were from fights with other kids."

Cas didn't realize it but he had the expression of a kicked puppy on his face. Hearing Dean talk about something like this made him feel personally hurt for some reason.

"But my momma didn't make it to see my go into high school." Dean looked like was about to stop talking all together, but just paused. "One day my dad was puttin' the hurt on me pretty bad. I already had a broken arm but he was drunk. Mom tried to get him off of me but…"

Dean sighed sorrowfully and turned to the ceiling. Castiel wanted to comfort Dean. He reached his hand to put Dean's in his own. Cas began rubbing his thumb over Dean's hand, trying to soothe him. It was all he could think of.

"Let's just say I'll never forget her face before he bashed her head into the side of the counter. It plays in my head whenever I kill someone. And it makes me feel even angrier."

Castiel kept on rubbing his thumb soothingly over Dean's skin. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "What about it makes you angry?"

Dean looked at Cas from the corner of his eyes and then to his hand that was being stroked softly.

"It makes me so fucking angry that she died because of me."

Cas stopped his thumb's movement for a moment, looking at Dean like he was about to cry. It bothered him that Dean thought it was his fault. No one should have to live with that.

"Dean…" Cas wasn't thinking clearly. In fact he wasn't using his brain at all, he was letting his feelings guide him. He kissed Dean's hands lightly and stared at him directly.

"It wasn't your fault. It was your father's. I don't understand how you could even live with yourself thinking that your mom died because of y-"

Dean huffed out a laugh. "I don't live with myself. Do you see what I do? I freakin' _slaughter_ people. I don't deal with this in a healthy way last time I checked and I don't think I ever will. I thought killing dad was going to be the first and last time. I thought revenge would be enough but it _wasn't_."

Dean's eyes grew cold and made Castiel feel like he was in danger. But just like any other time, he couldn't run away. He'd never run away from Dean.

Cas looked down at the tiled floor he was sitting on. "Well…" Cas began softly.

Dean quirked an eyebrow at the gentle tone.

"I want you to do whatever makes you feel better. And if you ever need my help, nothing would make me happier."

Dean stared blankly for a moment, processing. He took in Cas' featured. Those strikingly blue eyes that seemed to hold the gates of heaven. Cas' skin so pale that it let his beautiful blue veins show through. The light from the ceiling reflected onto the white tile and made a ring behind Cas' head, fittingly so like a halo.

Dean grinned mischievously. Almost like someone whom was love-struck but also had bloodlust.

"Exactly…what _are_ you willing to do for me, Angel?"

The fact that the word '_anything_' came to mind made Cas realize that he'd fallen for a sinner.

* * *

**Let me know what you think, your feedback means a great deal to me! **


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel was staring at the ceiling. He never had issues getting to sleep before, but his mind was just way too noisy tonight for his own liking. It was especially odd since the hotel bed he was currently sleeping in was actually more comfortable than his bed at home.

He turned on his side and faced Dean. Green eyes were hidden by eyelids and thick lashes. The calm breathing that came from Dean relaxed Cas to the point where he could fall asleep but his mind always snapped him awake before it could lull him into a complete unconsciousness.

Cas wanted to know more about Dean. He wanted to know what happened to his brother. Castiel couldn't bring himself to ask yet, though. Dean had just told him how his mom died and that he killed his own father. How could Cas pry any more than that in one night from a guy he _just_ met? He wasn't entitled to any of this information.

Castiel's thoughts shut off for a moment and all he could hear was the sound of Dean's breathing and the heater under the window. Dean had said that he didn't like the heat what so ever and would prefer to be cold over having the heater on while he slept. But when he noticed how cold Cas had gotten so easily, he decided that it was okay to have the heat on.

Cas' eyelids felt heavy and threatened to close on their own. His blue eyes ached dully for some unknown reason. He buried his head into his pillow that smelled like febreze. His hair was still damp from his shower and stuck uncomfortably to his forehead. Cas really liked Dean, and that made him sad.

Before closing his eyes for good that night, Castiel took one more glimpse at the man on the other bed. If only Dean would let them sleep in bed together, then Cas wouldn't need to turn the heating on to stay warm.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Cas woke up first, Dean's too-big ACDC shirt hanging off of his shoulder. He looked over to Dean who had kicked his blanket almost fully to the floor in his sleep.

Castiel made his way into the bathroom to make coffee. _Why_ hotels kept the coffee pots in the bathroom, he didn't know. But what he did know is that the smell of coffee reminded him of home. Speaking of home, he was glad he didn't have a cat anymore or else nobody would have been there to feed it while he was away with Dean.

As Cas was pouring himself some coffee he couldn't help but let his mind wander. He leaned against the counter and took a sip.

When would Dean kill next? Would Cas get to see? Would he get to _help_…?

"Fuck…!" Cas hissed, slamming his fist onto the bathroom counter. He was forgetting who he was. Just because you start getting a crush on someone doesn't mean you're supposed to support their bad habits. Instead he should be trying to talk Dean _out_ of murder. Castiel wanted to be the good guy, he really did.

Cas almost yelped as Dean walked in the bathroom unexpectedly. His green eyes were hazy with sleep as he waved lightly, walking over to the toilet.

"Gotta take a leak, hope you don't mind." Dean mumbled sleepily as he removed himself from his jeans that he had slept in with one hand, rubbing the sleep out of the eyes with the other.

Castiel stumbled to sit his coffee cup down and pointed to the door. "Uh no it's fine I was just-"

Dean huffed out a laugh. "Man Cas, you really need to relax. You're so uptight. I better watch you from now on or you might have a heart attack on me."

Castiel stared at the white tiles on the floor. Everyone always said that. That he was too uptight, or that he had anxiety issues. Castiel didn't like who he was. Maybe being with Dean could give him the chance to change, for the better.

The sound of Dean zipping his pants up brought Cas' attention towards him. Dean smiled and went over to wash his hands, standing next to Cas as he did so.

"We're going to laundry mat today. I was thinking we could go find a diner and get someone breakfast first. How's that sound?" Dean asked while he pumped some soap onto his hands.

Castiel nodded as he took another sip of his lukewarm coffee. "Sounds alright to me."

Dean quirked an eyebrow as he took a towel off of the bar on the wall to dry his hands off.

"Cas, I've been meaning to ask you somethin'. I haven't seen you light up or anything, but do you smoke?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. What a weird question. "No I don't, Dean. Why?" Castiel's tone was as flat as ever.

Dean walked out of the bathroom and Cas followed. "Well I mean your voice is super fuckin' low. Gotta be somethin' that caused it." Dean explained as he rustled through his jacket on the back of a chair, making sure his keys were there.

Castiel could feel himself wanting to blush. For some reason he took that as a compliment. "I honestly don't know why my voice is like this. I guess it just happened." He shrugged shyly.

Dean smirked. "Well I guess puberty was more kind to you than others; bet you got all the dudes _and _the ladies all over after hearin' how you talk."

Cas had to turn around to hide his flushed face. He didn't know how to reply to that, so he decided to change the subject.

Castiel cleared his throat. "So I see you made it through the night without killing a maid. I'm quite proud of you, Dean." He teased, gathering his clothes together.

Dean laughed and walked over to Cas, offering him the duffel bag so he could put his clothing in it.

Cas stuffed his suit and other clothes into the bag and zipped it up.

"Alright!" Dean patted Cas on the back and grabbed his jacket on the way to the door. "Grab the keycard will ya?"

Castiel obliged and grabbed the card and stuffed it in the pocket on the pair of jeans Dean had lent him. They sat low on his hips and were being held up by a belt.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

They drove up to small diner. It looked like a family owned business, very cozy interior.

Dean pulled the keys out of the ignition and reached for the door handle.

"Um, aren't you worried about people recognizing you? There's quite a few people in there." Cas mentioned before Dean could exit the car.

Dean stopped for a moment and reached across Cas. Cas sat back against his seat as Dean rummaged through the glove department. Cas tilted his head to try and see what Dean was reaching for but his hand was in the way.

Dean smiled as he grabbed onto what he was looking for. "Gotcha."

Castiel frowned as he watched Dean put on a black pair of sunglasses. "Really? That's the best you've got?"

Dean shrugged. "I'll look like a douche but It'll help a little. At least I'm not wearing a trucker hat too." He huffed before reaching to open the car door.

Castiel shook his head and exited the car and followed Dean inside.

They were seated by an older woman with red hair who didn't seem too friendly.

"Your waitress will be with you in a moment." She grumbled.

Cas smiled as best as he could at the rude tone. "Thank you."

Dean leaned back in the booth and slumped. "Sheesh who pissed in her wheeties?"

Dean's child-like annoyance made Castiel smile. There was just something about Dean that made Castiel inevitably happy.

A bubble-gum chewing blonde made her way to their table and cracked her gum as she pulled the notepad from her yellow apron.

"What'll it be, can I start you out with something to drink?"

Dean put on his charming smile and leaned an elbow on the table. "I'll go with some sweet tea. What about you, Cas?" Dean talked while flashing his smirk at the young waitress.

The blonde couldn't help but giggle a little at the attention she was getting from Dean but turned to Castiel anyway to scribble down his drink order.

Castiel felt his stomach drop. "Coffee is fine." He said lowly, trying not to make it obvious that he was bothered by Dean giving her attention.

She nodded and walked off, sending a glance behind her that was aimed at Dean. Dean chuckled and leaned against the booth again. He seemed pleased with himself.

He was smiling at himself until he caught Cas fuming across from him. Dean waved a hand in front of Cas' face.

"Hey, Cas. You alright? Who died?" Dean half-joked. He was honestly worried about what Cas was mad about.

Castiel scoffed. 'Her if she keeps it up' he thought to himself, wanting to punch himself for getting jealous. Castiel _didn't_ get jealous. He was always the one that got hit on and broke hearts. _Cas _made men jealous. But right now Dean Winchester was letting him know the feeling of jealousy for the first time ever.

Castiel shook his head. "It's nothing."

Cas was staring out the window but could feel Dean's eyes on him. He turned towards him and grimaced. "Seriously Dean, I'm fine."

Dean cocked his eyebrow in curiosity. "Alright man…if you say so." He so wasn't buying it.

Cas could hear the tapping of shoes and crackling of gum coming towards them and it made him even angrier. The sound of the waitress sitting Dean's glass of tea down and then his coffee echoed through his head.

She jutted her hip out and clicked her pen. "Alright boys, what're you fixin' to eat?" She batted her eyelashes.

Dean put on his lady-killer smile again and looked up at her. "I'll have pancakes and sausage." He said confidently and then looked to Cas. "Order whatever you want Cas."

Castiel's face was fixed into a scowl, seemingly permanent for as long as the waitress was around. "I'm fine, thanks."

Dean scoffed loudly and pointed at him. "Cas I've hardly seen you eat at _all_, you're eating today."

Castiel couldn't see Dean's eyes through the sunglasses but he knew they had that serious glint in them just from his tone of voice. He groaned.

"Fine, eggs." Castiel mumbled in the waitress' direction, not able to look at her.

She began scribbling the order but stopped. "What kind of eggs?"

Castiel smiled through a scowl and clenched teeth. "Surprise me."

She smiled cheerily and clicked her pen and shoved it in the spiral of her notepad. "Be right back with your food, boys."

Cas could feel his anxiety rising with every footstep of hers that he could hear and when they finally got far enough away Cas let his head slam against the table top.

He grasped his hands in his hair and dug his nails into his scalp tightly. "Fuck everything!"

Dean frowned and looked at Cas oddly. His tone turned dark. "Cas, I want you to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you, now."

Castiel couldn't just go out and say 'oh well you flirting with that waitress makes me really jealous because I really like you and want you to myself.' Dean would probably freak the fuck out. Hell, probably would even call him every gay slur out there and kill him and leave his body on the side of the road.

Castiel lifted his head up and looked at Dean with sad blue eyes. "I feel like cutting."

Well, it wasn't a complete lie. Only half of the truth.

Dean's angry expression turned into one that looked pained. He started rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Oh…Cas I'm not good with this stuff but-" Dean sighed and gestured his hands towards Cas. "Look I don't want you to hurt yourself while you're with me. I don't think I could handle seeing that. I'm gonna take real good care of you so you don't have to do that crap anymore, okay?"

Castiel only nodded slightly. Dean looked at him sternly and reached over the table and grabbed Cas by each side of his head and forced him to look at him. He lowered the sunglasses so Cas could see his eyes.

Dean looked serious. "_Okay_?"

Castiel's mouth felt dry all of a sudden. "O-okay…"

Dean smiled and sat back down, letting go of Cas' head. "Good, that's what I want to hear." He said before taking a gulp of his tea.

Cas could feel his chest tighten, but it was a good feeling. He felt happy that Dean actually cared about him. But all good things must come to an end apparently because the waitress was back in a matter of moments.

She sat Castiel's scrambled eggs in front of him before setting Dean's food down. Instead of leaving the blonde turned to Dean.

"So uh…" she began twirling her hair on her finger. "I get off 6 o'clock. You free around then?"

Dean put down his fork that he was about to dig into his pancakes with. "Sure am. Here, let me give you the address of the hotel I'm staying in." He reached for a napkin and the waitress loaned him her pen.

Castiel felt like disappearing. He had never felt so hurt before. Castiel grabbed onto his wrist through his trench coat and dug his fingers in. It wasn't the real thing but it would have to do for now.

Dean handed her the napkin and she smiled in accomplishment. "You're way too cute to be wearing sunglasses, honey."

Dean chuckled. "You'll get to see my eyes later, let's just say I like to play it mysterious."

"I'll be there around 8." The blonde grinned and walked away, shoving the napkin under her shirt and into her bra.

Dean turned back to his food and smiled, shoving a triangle of pancake into his mouth. "Man I swear, waitresses are the easiest."

Castiel slumped back into the booth and poked at his eggs with his fork. If he wasn't hungry a little bit ago, he definitely wasn't hungry _now_.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The trip to the laundry mat was quiet. There were only a few other people there so Dean found that it was safe to lose the sunglasses.

Cas spent the time stealing glances at Dean and Dean saw them, tried to chase them with his own eyes but failed when Cas' were too quick. This went on for so long the woman holding a baby across from them was giving them strange looks.

Cas sighed internally. He had to do something about this. He didn't want to have to deal with this the hard way. Cas would _not_ sit back and keep adding scars to his wrists _and_ his heart.

Dean had fixed his gaze on the clothes that were in the dryer, distracted by the spinning motion. Castiel found it safe to go ahead and stare at Dean since he wouldn't notice.

God Dean was everything Cas never knew he wanted. Dean was rotten but _so_ beautiful. Cas had never called a man beautiful before, it was always handsome or hot. But Dean was beyond the word handsome.

Castiel could feel himself falling even more for Dean the longer he stared. It wasn't helping that he was wearing Dean's clothes that smelled just like him.

The dryer stopped, tossing the clothes that were spinning at the top down onto the clothes that were on the bottom. Dean turned to Cas and smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

"Ready to go, Cas?"

Castiel swallowed. Dean's smile ignited fire in places he didn't even know existed inside of him. Cas nodded.

Dean got up and start shoving the clothes into the duffel bag, both his and Cas' clothing.

Castiel wasn't watching though, he had his head buried in his hands. "Shit…" he breathed out, not audible to anyone but himself.

Oh Lord, he'd fallen in love with a man on the run. Dean may have been a demon in most people's eyes, but to Cas, Dean was _holy_.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

It was around 7:30 in the evening when Dean got up from his bed at the hotel and decided to take a shower. He and Cas had been watching random movies on the hotel's extended choice of channels for awhile to pass the time. Dean poked fun at Cas upon learning he'd never seen Forest Gump. Castiel explained that he hadn't seen a lot of popular movies due to the fact that he was always busy with work.

"Hey Cas, I'm gonna go get a shower. You stay here and watch Gump. I'll quiz you when I get out, so make sure you pay attention!" Dean pointed at the television and removed his shirt, throwing it onto his bed.

Once Castiel heard the bathroom door shut and the water turn on, he got up from his own bed. He crept over to Dean's jacket that was hanging on the back of the chair at the small table. He'd have to open the door quietly or Dean would hear. He took the elevator down to the parking lot.

It was cold as fuck outside, Cas was thankful that the Impala was parked close. He got over to it and gripped the keys tightly in his fist, skin turning white but still tinged red from the cold. He breathed heavily, wondering if this was a good idea or not. Fuck it.

Castiel shoved the key into the lock on the Impala's trunk and turned, letting it lift up. He peered inside and saw exactly what he wanted, eyes locking on. Cas looked both ways beside him, and then behind him before grabbing the object he needed.

Cas walked back and shoved the item into his trench coat pocket before going back to the hotel. He opened the door and was glad that Dean was still in the shower. He made his way over with a chair, preparing to make it so Dean couldn't get out of the bathroom.

Cas' actions were paused by the gentle knocking at the door. His blue eyes locked onto the door and he felt his veins run cold. She was early.

Dean didn't seem to hear it and Cas was silently praying a thank you for that. He composed himself and walked over to the door to open it.

Cas was greeted with the waitress' face. Her blonde locks were now pulled up into a ponytail and she was wearing a black dress that didn't leave much to the imagination. He growled internally.

"So where is he?" She inquired, reaching her head inside to look around.

Castiel could feel his blood boiling. She didn't even _acknowledge _him. All of his seconds thoughts about doing this had flown out the window along with his conscious.

Castiel closed the door behind her. "He's in the shower." Cas' gravely voice explained as he tried to feign the best smile he could. "He should be out any minute now."

She nodded and sat down on one of the chairs at the table.

"So, what's your name?" Castiel asked, not really curious.

She perked up a bit. "Heather." The lipstick on her lips cracked along with her smile.

Castiel clenched his jaw with anger. _Fuck_ everything about her was down right _infuriating_. He'd never been so mad at someone.

Heather turned her attention to the movie on the television and seemed pretty preoccupied.

'Now or never' Cas thought to himself as he reached into his pocket. Cas walked over to the light switch and flicked it down, leaving the only light in the room being that which came from the television.

Heather turned her attention back to Cas, whispering a 'huh' before getting tackled to the ground.

Castiel shoved her face into the floor, holding it there by digging his fingers into her hand and pushing. Cas could hear her trying to scream and even though it was muffled through the floor it was still loud. He had to do something before Dean came out and stopped him.

Castiel gripped the jagged hunting knife into his hand, angling it firmly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before scowling deeply and bringing the knife down to stab into the groove of her back.

Heather turned her head to the side and screamed for help, not finding any purchase in her attempts of getting Cas off of her.

Cas kept stabbing blindly, starting to run out of unmarred flesh on her back. "Shut the fuck up!" He growled, feeling his flesh grow cold and warm all at once.

Castiel removed himself from the spot he was sitting on her lower back and forced her to turn over by grabbing her by her hair.

The look on her face was pleading as tears began spilling from her brown eyes. Her lip twitched as she was about to open her mouth.

Cas didn't want to hear her talk, didn't want to hear her ask 'why?' The flesh of her neck caught Castiel's eyes and he knew that would be the end of it. The sound of the bathroom door flicked his attention away from the bloodied up girl beneath him.

Dean stared wide-eyed, towel wrapped around his waist. His green eyes reflected the image before him. Cas was sitting on top the waitress, holding her down by her wrists. The carpet beneath her was turning red from the multiple stab wounds on her back.

Heather caught sight of Dean and hope gleamed in her eyes. "Please, please help me. Make him…stop." She pleaded, feeling the knife scrape dangerously close to her neck.

Dean's shock dissipated a little and he leaned nonchalantly against the wall. He looked amused. Dean crossed his arms and smiled.

"Nah."

Heather's eyes widened and she looked up at Cas. She shook her head as if saying 'no' over and over again. Castiel nodded 'yes' in return, taunting her.

Castiel looked over to Dean, the meeting of blue and green eyes feeling electric. Dean smirked even more, quirking an eyebrow.

"Why not put on a show for me, angel?"

Castiel instantly turned back to the half-dead girl. She was losing too much blood and would die even if Cas didn't decide to finish her off. He gripped the knife again, using two hands this time. She was too weak by now from blood loss to pry Cas off of her.

Castiel drove the knife straight through her neck, twisting one it was as far in the flesh as it could go. Choking noises filled the room and the sound of blood spurting out.

Once Castiel stopped twisting the knife back and forth inside of her neck he pulled it out.

Cas stood up and his pupils were blown. He felt so exhilarated. Cas was panting and he looked down to see what he'd done. The waitress was dead and the carpet was definitely ruined. He looked over to Dean, his own blue eyes looking tired as if he had just done something so incredibly exhausting.

Dean smiled in a way Cas hadn't seen him smile before. It had something to it, something that made that butterfly feeling pool into him. Even if he had just killed someone, Cas found Dean to be irresistible.

Dean walked over to Cas and studied the body on the ground that was lying in it's own blood.

"Looks like I ain't getting my security deposit back." Dean laughed after he spoke in a hushed tone.

Castiel couldn't find any words, he felt dizzy. Each step Dean took towards him made him feel like he was going to pass out. And if he did, it would have been okay, because Dean's hand was suddenly on the small of his waist and pulling him in.

Castiel dropped Dean's knife at the initial feel of Dean's lips drawing themselves onto Castiel's. Dean's eyes slid closed but Cas had his wide open.

Castiel hadn't expected this. He thought Dean would have yelled at him for ruining his lay. Not this, definitely not _this_.

Dean removed his lips so they were only ghosting over Castiel's, the feeling tickling the blue eyed man's lips.

Dean lidded his eyes a little and his eyelashes were heavy. His eyes were glowing beautifully from sharp light of the television in the dark room.

"Now how could an angel do _that_?" Dean whispered hotly, gesturing towards the mess of a corpse on the with his eyes. He slid his hand from Castiel's back to go into his shirt. Cas shivered.

"You got a little devil in you, you know that?" Dean teased, placing his lips back onto Castiel's and moved them softly, gently.

Castiel couldn't complain, Dean's lips were rose scented and stuck like super glue.

* * *

**Thank you so much for the reviews, without them I wouldn't have motivation to write! Let me know what you think so far. **


	7. Chapter 7

Dean had me pressed hard against the wall to the point where my spine started to ache. His calloused hands were still under my shirt, the skin feeling singed wherever he touched me on my back.

I was hyperventilating but it wasn't evident due to the fact that Dean refused to stop kissing me. Whenever I tried to move to catch a breath Dean would just groan into the kiss and grab the back of my head with his other hand to keep me in place. I had to get used to breathing through my nose.

Finally Dean had taken his hand out of my shirt and placed both of his hands at either side of my head against the wall, trapping me in. I started to feel claustrophobic. Everything was becoming so overwhelming; Dean's tongue trying to force it's way in my mouth, the lack of air, and the girl on the floor that I had just stabbed to death.

I was at my limit and reached up to Dean's head and pulled his mouth away from mine by grabbing onto his hair and pulling back. He opened his eyes as we separated and they were glossy. He smiled and wiped the corner of his mouth off, a bit of saliva there. Whether it was his or mine I wasn't sure.

He regulated his heavy breathing and sighed deeply, longingly.

"You're the one I wanted to find, Cas." Dean purred in a hushed tone. He glanced down, green orbs locking on the dead waitress that lie immobile on the floor. I think he was admiring my work.

"Promise you'll stay with me until the end. That's all I want Cas, just stay with me no matter what happens." Dean leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.

I wasn't really sure about anything at the moment. But all I knew was that Dean's warmth felt good and it soothed me. But was I really willing to do this? Even if I hadn't just killed someone staying with Dean would make me a criminal too. Would it be worth it though…?

My boring life played through my head and it all seemed so hazy compared to this moment. Everything about a life with Dean seemed appealing. No responsibility, no family to worry about. We wouldn't need anybody, we'd have each other and that would be enough.

I wasn't aware that my eyes had closed until I slid them open and met with Dean's. He smiled instantly, baring teeth. I smiled in return, feeling something I wasn't able to recognize. Dean began laughing subtly, eyes crinkling at the edges.

I looked to the floor and then back to Dean, thinking it was time to give him an answer. "I'll stay with you Dean. I won't ever try to leave, I promise."

Dean's expression changed a bit. He brought his arm up to place a hand on my shoulder, gripping firmly.

"Cas, that isn't _really_ all I'm asking for man…I mean _hell_, I just kissed you. You _killed_ a girl because you were _jealous_." Dean huffed out a laugh endearingly.

I felt my face flush and tried to look away. "What makes you think I was jealous?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, the pissy attitude back at the diner wasn't for nothin', I may not be the smartest bullet in the barrel but I can tell when someone's jealous." He winked at me and I crossed my arms. It was embarrassing being called out.

"Besides, I think it's pretty friggin' hot that you'd kill a girl over me…" Dean whispered into my ear lowly, making me shiver.

I cocked an eyebrow and stared him down. "Dean Winchester, if I'm not mistaken I'd say that you're the kind of man my mother warned me about." I teased.

Dean seemed pleased about what I had said. He smirked at me and hooked his arm around my waist, pulling me against the front of his own waist.

"Nah sweetheart, I'm the man the _bible_ warned you about." Dean said softly, obviously trying to get a reaction out of me.

I could feel Dean's lips brush against the side of my stubble specked jaw and moved down to my neck. I shuddered and turned my head to the side so he could get more access to my skin. I honestly couldn't believe this was happening to me.

I was just about to give in to Dean's actions but when my eyes locked onto a very dead girl on the floor. I groaned and pushed Dean off of me.

Dean threw his hands out in a way that asked 'what the hell?' and lifted an eyebrow.

"We need to either get rid of her body or get going." I murmured, kinda regretting that I didn't just kill her outside.

Dean followed my eyes and looked down. He started rubbing his chin in thought.

"It's kinda risky dragging a body out of here. We'd have to go through either an elevator or the stairwell and _then_ through the lobby. Plus there's cameras all over this joint and we'd have guards on us in no time." Dean mumbled as he tried to decide what to do.

"So are we just going to ditch?" I asked, leaning against Dean for support. Fuck I felt dizzy.

Dean looked at me and kissed me on the corner of the mouth. "Let's get the hell out of here baby. We can go wherever you want." Dean whispered to me, face close enough that I could see every freckle.

I really didn't mind that Dean was getting under my skin. It felt intoxicating to have him in my system.

"I just want to go wherever I can be with you and not feel like blowing my own brains out." I breathed out as Dean held me closer. I felt like being with Dean just might cure my depression all together. Instead of hurting _myself_ I could hurt other people along with him. Nothing sounded better.

"I can roll with that." Dean mused, looking like he was just about to kiss me again but he stopped, shaking his head briefly and laughing.

"_Fuck_…I swear you're in my veins, Cas."

I could feel my heart stop for a moment and wasn't sure if it would start back up. Once it did though, I spoke, trying to keep my already deep voice as gravelly as possible.

"How does it feel?"

"Like I've finally got a little bit of good inside of me for the first time in my sad excuse for a life."

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Ever since Cas and I got into the Impala he was practically shivering. So I gave him one of my warmer jackets but that didn't seem to be enough. I could tell he was trying to hide the fact that he was cold, but nothin' gets by me.

I pulled over into a gas station and parked. Cas looked at me like he didn't know what the hell was going on.

I turned the car off and shoved my keys in my pocket. "I'll be right back." I tried smiling as nicely as I could. I really wasn't used to smiling but around Cas it came naturally.

I got out of my Impala and started walked to the door of the gas station, hands shoved into my pockets. I looked back at Cas one more time and nodded before going in.

When I got inside there were only a few other people in there. A few truckers and an older couple. I made my way to the drinks.

I narrowed my eyes. "I wonder if Cas is a coffee guy or a hot chocolate kinda guy?" I mumbled out loud to myself.

I assumed that Cas was more of a coffee drinker, but I decided to get him hot chocolate instead. Dude needs to lighten up.

I went to pay for the two hot drinks. I stood in line behind the couple and was off-put by one of the truckers in all camo staring at me.

For a second I panicked and thought that he had recognized me but realized he was just looking at the small tv that was behind me.

I turned to see what was so interesting.

The news was on and there was a middle aged brunette woman talking over some footage of cops talking to each other. "Police still have failed to find Dean Winchester whereabouts after his robbery Thursday. The investigation is going on without any leads, but police say they won't give up that easily."

I was thankful that they hadn't put up a picture of me during that little segment or I'd be in trouble right now. Apparently no one in the gas station really knew what I looked like due to the fact that no one said anything to me and that the cashier greeted me like anyone else.

I smirked confidently as I went out the door, pushing it open with my shoulder since my hands were occupied. The police didn't have any leads on me, Cas and I were turning into a thing, someone got killed; tonight couldn't get any better.

I got out to the Impala and handed Cas his hot chocolate. He accepted it and blue into the small slit on the top of the lid.

"Thank you, Dean." He smiled. God, I loved when Cas smiled.

"S'no problem Cas, gotta keep you warm." I explained, taking a sip of my own. I pushed the keys back into the ignition and started the engine.

"Mind if I play some tunes?" I asked Cas before fumbling with the tapes in the console between us.

Cas only shook his head, showing that he didn't mind. Man I was liking him more and more by the second.

I popped in some Led Zeppelin, turning it to Trampled Under Foot and cranked up the volume to a level that most people would consider 'ear drum busting'.

I looked over to Cas and he was smiling, huffing out a little laugh. I could tell it was a little too loud but he wasn't really that bothered by it.

I smiled and yelled over the booming sound of the guitar. "You still like me, baby!?" I asked, joking as if liking my music too loud would make him dislike me.

Cas chuckled and yelled in return so I could hear him. "I think I'd adore you with your hands around my neck!"

I pressed on the gas pedal and heard the engine rev. It felt good having a corrupted piece of heaven sitting in your passenger seat.

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter, just felt like writing tonight and this was all I could dish out. Tell me if you prefer these point of views or would you rather I go back to third person. **


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel was actually surprised when Dean pulled the Impala up to another nice Hotel. This one wasn't a chain hotel, and looked way nicer than average.

Castiel frowned. "Dean, you are absolutely terrible at managing money."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Cas, I robbed a fucking _bank_. I got at least a million back there." Dean pointed his thumb back towards the trunk.

Castiel crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow. "Did you actually count it all?"

Dean shrugged nonchalantly and pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Eh, kinda just guestimated. But hey man, you're the accountant, if you wanna count it all be my guest."

Castiel just rolled his eyes and exited the car. He was finally getting used to the screeching sound the Impala's doors made when they opened. Dean followed Cas and then stopped.

"Hey, you got your wallet on you right?" Dean asked as they stopped on the black asphalt of the parking lot.

Cas' breathing was visible in the air. "Yeah why?"

Dean didn't bother explaining and shoved his hand in Cas' back pocket where there was a lump that was obviously his wallet. At first it was odd to have Dean's hand in his back pocket and Castiel was about to shove Dean off out of embarrassment but noticed he was just fishing out his wallet.

Dean smiled as he held the black leather in his hand and went to open up the trunk. After he hauled out his duffel bag and the bag of food he bought for Cas (he really wanted him to eat more, he was so thin it made Dean kind of sad) Dean opened up a large suitcase that he had hidden under a pile of jackets.

After flicking it open Cas leaned in to look over Dean's shoulder. His eyes widened. Cas had never seen such a copious amount of money before in his entire life. His eyes followed Dean's hands as he went to open up Cas' wallet.

The contents was a twenty dollar bill, his driver's license, and a debit card. Dean went to fold back the little flap that was meant to hold money in but he frowned and looked to Castiel.

Castiel looked at Dean, confused. Dean tilted the wallet so Cas could see.

Cas peeked inside and his stomach dropped. He looked to Dean with a guilty expression, he really didn't know what to say and was hoping Dean would just take the razor blades out and not say anything.

But that wasn't Dean's style.

"Cas, really?" Dean shook his head, taking the sliver blades out and pocketing them.

Cas knew Dean would want an answer, and it was much easier to tell the truth . "They were for just in case I ever got too anxious or overwhelmed at work."

Dean was going to lecture Cas but he could see that look of true guilt on Cas' face. He didn't have the heart to make Cas feel any worse.

Dean turned back to the trunk and shoved a couple hundreds into Castiel's wallet and handed the leather item back to him. Castiel's eyes widened at the amount, about to say thank you.

Dean spoke before Castiel could. "Don't mention it, Cas. Gotta take good care of you don't I?" He smiled cockily. Dean had never had money to spare before and it felt so good to be the one giving and not receiving.

Castiel nodded and smiled, Dean really was a nice guy. He was wondering what had gone wrong. Dean could have been so much more than a serial killer. He could have had it all. But instead he had Cas, which to Dean, was pretty much the same thing.

**~X~**

Castiel stood next to Dean as they checked in. The receptionist smiled at Cas but Cas couldn't smile back. His people skills were fucking horrible and smiling when it wasn't genuine made him feel creepy.

"Single or double?" The man asked them, expecting to hear 'double'

Dean smirked and looked to Cas out of the corner of his eyes. Castiel was admiring one of the plants in the corner of the lobby. It was cute how Cas could get so intrigued by the little things in life.

"Single."

Cas whipped his head around and his facial expression matched the one of the receptionist's; confused and a bit intrigued.

Dean didn't falter as he handed his (fraudulent) credit card to the man. The man coughed into his hand awkwardly and typed the information into his computer, trying his best not to look bothered by the two men in front of him.

Dean swiped the two keycards out of the receptionist's hand and motioned for Cas to follow him.

Castiel looked at the floor in the elevator the entire time, face flushed. Dean looked over to him and grimaced.

"You got a problem sleeping in the same bed as me, Cas?" Dean asked, actually sounding a bit offended. He had suspected that after having a makeout session it was okay to go ahead and assume Cas wouldn't mind sleeping next to him.

Castiel looked up frantically and shook his head. "No it's not that, Dean. I just didn't think you'd be okay with that." Cas sighed out the words.

Dean's smile returned and stepped out of the elevator along with Cas. "Here's hopin' you don't kick in your sleep."

**~X~**

Dean was on edge. Castiel was on the bed reading some novel that was left in the drawer of the end table next to the door. As Dean watched Cas' blue eyes skim the pages all he could think about was kissing him.

There was nothing good on television and the gameboy advanced he had bought years ago was dead and he didn't have any batteries. So all in all, Dean had nothing to do to distract himself and wasn't sure if Cas would be okay with him making a move or not. Of course Castiel didn't seem to mind it the first time, but they were on some atmospheric high when that happened, it was all adrenaline.

So Dean decided that he better kick this old school.

Dean got up from his place on the floor where he had been flicking through television channels and sat next to Cas on the bed.

The red comforter dipped along with the bed as Dean placed himself a few inches from Castiel. Castiel looked up from his book at feeling the bed shift and looked to Dean.

Dean tried to smile gently, only giving Cas an awkward flash of teeth. Dean internally cursed himself; why was this easier to do with chicks he hardly even liked. Cas was something special and it was almost like he was immune to Dean's charm.

Castiel was a little confused but he wasn't stupid, he could tell that Dean was wanting something. He sat his book down on the space of the bed between them.

"Can I help you?" Castiel quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms expectantly.

Dean cleared his throat a bit too loudly before talking. "Yeah…so uh, Cas." He put his hand on the back of his neck and rubbed it awkwardly. "You wanna, I don't know…go out to dinner tonight? Somethin' nice for a change?"

Cas stared for a few seconds at Dean. He turned his body towards him and placed a hand on his chin, smiling.

"Dean Winchester, you are the most confusing thing in my life yet I can't shake the feeling of being drawn to you."

Dean squinted. "Uh….so is that a yes or…?"

Cas smiled some more and got out of bed, to put the book back in the drawer. It wasn't a very good book anyway; no wonder someone had left it.

"Of course, Dean." Castiel's rough voice pattered through Dean's ears and put a smile on his face.

Dean smiled a little kid. "Awesome. What time would you wanna go out?"

Cas looked to the clock on the wall above the television. It was a little passed 7:30pm.

Cas shrugged. "8, 9? Gives you a little time to find out what restaurant you want to take me to." Cas mumbled while leaning down to open up the duffel bag that held his clothes. "Oh and Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean asked, freckles showing in the dim light of the lamp on the bedside table.

"I haven't been on a date since I was 19, so wherever you're taking me, it better be nice." Castiel smirked before grabbing his clothes and going into the bathroom.

The bathroom door clicked shut and Dean was in the room alone, grinning to himself. He didn't want to fall in love, not at all, but at some point Castiel smiled at him and holy shit, Dean blew it.

**~X~**

Making reservations was awkward and new, Dean had to use a faux last name. Not to mention he had to ask the guy at the front desk what restaurant was the nicest around which was awkward because he didn't seem to like Dean very much at all.

Cas had gotten out of the shower and was lounging around in his boxers watching Fox News. Dean _was_ going to complain but hey, at least it wasn't C-span.

Cas was about to switch the television off and start getting dressed, but the change of topic on the news channel caught both his and Dean's attention.

A middle aged man with brown hair was talking. "The murder of Isabella Bates at a motel outside of Gallipolis, Ohio has been linked to Dean Winchester. The man that was working at the front desk that night was questioned, and confirmed his identity matched the characteristics."

Dean had his eyes fixed on the television, eyes reflecting the blue theme of the channel into his green irises. He was biting down on his lip, hoping they still had no leads.

"Furthermore, the hostage he had taken was identified to be 31 year old Castiel Novak. His brother Gabriel did not make any comments other than that he hopes his brother gets home safely. If you have any information on the whereabouts of either of these men, please contact us."

Dean looked relieved as they switched topics. At least they didn't have any clue where they were, but they'd have to be more careful from now on. Dean looked to Castiel.

"Looks like we're in this mess together now." Castiel sighed, pushing the red buttnon at the top of the remote to shut off the televison.

Dean leaned against the wall and watched Cas start slipping his black slacks on.

"Yeah, now that they know who you are we gotta be more sneaky. Either that or we kill all the people that recognize you, which hey, I ain't got a problem with that." Dean smiled, watching Cas hum to himself as he got dressed.

"I guess we'll always be on the run together once they find out I've killed someone too." Cas' expression was unreadable.

Dean walked over to Cas and hooked his arm around his waist, pulling him in for a heated kiss. Castiel's eyes widened before they slid closed and he pushed into the kiss, his senses melting. Once they parted Dean's eyes were slightly lidded and his thick eyelashes were visible. He tasted like whiskey and smelled like saw dust mixed with cheap cologne.

Dean smiled sheepishly "You and me baby, it's always gonna be you and me."

**~X~**

Dean and Cas walked up into the expensive Italian restaurant together, earning a few strange looks from the other people as they were obviously a couple from the looks they were giving each other. Whenever they looked at each other it made the atmosphere thick in an indescribable way.

They walked up to the guy standing behind a podium with a computer on it. Back in the day it would have been a book but hey, times are a changin'.

The tuxedo clad man greeted them with a smile. "Name?"

Dean smiled nicely and looked to Cas before answering the man. "Dean Smith."

Dean looked back to Cas as the man looked the name up. Castiel rolled his eyes and gave him a look, mouthing 'Smith?' at Dean. Dean shrugged childishly and made a face that said 'couldn't think of anything else.'

After the man found Dean's faux name he led them to a table and then went back to his place at the front of the restaurant. Castiel was staring strangely at Dean while they waited for their waiter to arrive.

Dean lifted an eyebrow in question. "What?"

"I swear you're the only person that would deem it alright to wear plaid in a restaurant like this." Castiel's low voice mumbled out in an undertone.

Cas had worn the suit he had had since he'd met Dean, he just lost the trench coat to make it look more formal. Dean on the other hand was wearing a black t-shirt layered with a red and black plaid shirt.

Dean shrugged and smiled confidently. "I like breaking the norm Cas, you should try it once in awhile."

Castiel just gave him a stern look and began flipping through the thick menu. Still staring at the menu and mumbled "People are staring…"

Dean groaned and knew that the next time he took Cas somewhere nice he would need to get a suit, or else Cas would never let him hear the end of it. But Castiel was good for Dean, he tried to keep him in line. Other than the fact that he condoned Dean's murders, Castiel was the light that Dean needed in his dark life.

Before Dean could say anything there was a male waiter standing next to their table, smiling. "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

"Water for now is fine." Cas spoke with his eyes averted.

The man nodded and turned to Dean, who was looking at Castiel and smiling widely. "Yeah uh, how about you give us the best bottle of wine you got."

The waiter nodded and told Dean that'd it be one moment before pattering away.

Castiel smiled and cocked an eyebrow, leaning his chin on his hand. "Wine? Now you're just trying to get me drunk." He grinned, laughing breathily as he stared into Dean's green eyes.

Dean stared right back, enthralled at the connection he and Castiel seemed to share. He licked at his bottom lip, a habit Cas noticed Dean had.

"Just trying to make sure I give you the best of everything in life while you're with me."

Cas smiled but then the image of Dean stumbling into their motel covered in blood came back to him abruptly. He felt unsettled, but still intrigued.

That was thing about Dean, he was the sweetest person ever but he was still dangerous. Loving him was like shaking hands with the Devil.

**~X~**

Castiel made sure to eat all of the pasta he ordered. Not only did he not want Dean to waste his money but he also wanted to get healthier. He and Dean talked about how high school went for the both of them. Castiel was pretty introverted and only had one friend. Dean surprisingly wasn't popular like Cas had expected him to be, but he had a few friends.

Cas tried to avoid talking about Dean's childhood because he already knew it was painful. And he could only hope that Dean wouldn't ask about _his_.

Dean took a swig of the red wine and wiped the residue from his mouth with the back of his arm, making Cas grin at his lack of manners. It was so Dean-like that it didn't bother him.

Dean sat the glass down and smiled. "So what was your childhood like, Cas?"

Castiel's stomach dropped. _Great_. Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "It's not exactly a happy story, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "Mine wasn't either, but hell, I at least wanna know more about you, Cas. I mean Jesus, I wanna know what made you start hurting yourself."

Cas figured the owed Dean that much at least. He sighed heavily and began gathering his thoughts, trying to figure out a good way to put all of this without taking too long.

"I grew up with quite a few brothers and sisters. We were a really religious family." Cas started, looking to Dean whom was nodding.

Cas folded his hands on the table and stared at his almost empty wine glass. "It was pretty normal at first I guess, we went to church every Sunday. I had a stay at home mother and my father was a lawyer."

Dean could tell Cas was about to get to the bad part by how his eyes kept glancing to the floor and how uncomfortable he looked.

"When I was 13 I realized that I liked boys. I was planning on keeping it to myself but needed at least _someone_ to confide in. So I told my sister Anna. I didn't expect her to understand, but I also didn't expect her to instantly run off to our father and tell him."

Dean's eyes saddened and his mouth was becoming dry. "What happened after that?" He asked, feeling like he was opening an old wound by asking Cas to talk about this.

Cas looked to Dean for the first time in the conversation. "He pulled me by my hair and brought me into the kitchen where my mother was. He yelled at me and told me to tell her. I began crying and shaking my head. I don't remember exactly how I told her, but what I do remember is her getting really angry and I kept asking her not to be mad at me over and over but then she left for a few hours."

Dean stared in disbelief and wasn't sure if he wanted Castiel to continue. Dean had seen a lot and gone through a lot but his dad beat him when he was drunk and when he did something wrong. Now of course that's no excuse, but he couldn't even begin to imagine getting beaten for something like that.

Just when Dean thought Cas was done, he started talking again.

"My mom was at my grandmother's house pretty late and I could hear my dad yelling with her over the phone. They were arguing over what they should do with me. My dad wanted to make me go live with my aunt but my mom said that I could be fixed. I remember my brother Michael calling me a faggot, screaming it at me until I began crying again right after I had stopped."

Dean spoke up, scared that Cas would start crying or something. "Cas, you don't have to tell me the rest. I promise it's oka-"

Cas waved his hand as if telling Dean it was okay. "No Dean, it's alright. I need to talk about this. I haven't ever really talked about this except with my brother Gabriel and that was years ago. This is good for me."

Dean sat back and nodded reluctantly. His palm were sweating and he wiped them on his jeans.

Cas' gravelly voice continued. "They decided to take me to church that Sunday and asked the preacher to have the entire church pray for me. After awhile of that I started to just fake being straight. It made my parents happy and my family stopped hating me. But I couldn't take the pain of not being accepted by them and starting harming myself. The only person I told was Gabriel and he kept it a secret because he knew it was that only release I had. Now I don't talk to my other siblings and my parents are dead. I have nothing to hide now but I still have memories that hurt and that's why I never stopped."

Castiel began rubbing at his wrist through the rough material of his suit. Even though it had brought back a vat of sad memories, talking about this made him feel like a weight had been removed from his shoulders.

"Thank you for listening, Dean. I appreciate it more than you would think." Castiel smiled sadly at Dean, wanting to give him a kiss.

Dean was about to lean across the table to give Cas that kiss but the waiter had appeared before they could even reach each other.

He laid they check down a looked to Dean, about to say something cliché that a waiter would but he stopped and looked wide-eyed at Dean.

Dean made a weird face in question at the waiter. "What? Got somethin' on my face?"

The waiter shook his head quickly and turned to leave. "It's nothing, I'll….be right back." He said quickly, looking rather worked up.

Dean looked to Cas and made a questioning gesture. Castiel shrugged and looked behind Dean to see the direction the waiter had walked to.

Their waiter was standing with one of his coworkers, and he was pointing in Dean and Cas' direction, saying whispering something frantically. The other waiter squinted a bit and looked too, after a few seconds of looking he too began looking frantic.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "Dean…you want me to go check it out?"

Dean shook his head and grimaced. "Nah, I'll do it. You stay here alright Cas?"

Castiel nodded and watched Dean get up and walk into that direction, making sure to stay undetected.

Dean hid around the corner and listened in on the conversation. Castiel could see Dean's expression turn from annoyed to a bit concerned. After a few minutes he had heard all that he needed and made his way back to Cas.

"What were they talking about?" Castiel asked, a bit hurriedly.

Dean ground his teeth and grabbed Cas' hand to tug him up a little out of his seat. "They recognized us. Listen here Cas, I'm gonna take care of them. I want you to take a taxi home and I'll be back after I'm done, okay?"

Castiel was a bit confused but complied with the idea. "Alright Dean, but please…please be careful."

Dean grinned with confidence. "Don't worry, I got this sweetheart. Won't let a couple a guys in aprons take me down. Now you go ask the guy up front to call you a cab, you got that?"

Castiel nodded and smiled into the gentle peck on the lips that Dean gave him as they parted.

** ~X~**

Castiel got into the back of the taxi, thankful that he had that 20 dollar bill because he knew a taxi driver wouldn't be willing to break a hundred. The driver turned to look at Cas.

"You know it's not safe to be alone at night, that Winchester guy's on the loose." The guy said, almost like he's been saying that to every passenger.

Castiel had to bite his lip to keep a smug smirk from creeping up onto his face. "I understand sir, but I am very capable of taking care of myself."

The man rolled his eyes and turned to start driving to the hotel Castiel had told him. "Alright, well don't say I didn't tell you so when your guts all over the floor."

Castiel sort of felt empowered to be close with Dean. While everyone else cowered in fear of coming across him, Castiel had the luxury of being safe and to get affection from him.

After exiting the taxi the man yelled a friendly "Stay safe!" to Cas before speeding off.

Castiel went in the elevator to get to his and Dean's room. It felt weird not to have Dean with him. It also felt weird to not be scared of anything anymore. With Dean, Cas had no reason to be scared. He had safety and love. It was hard to find someone to hold your hand in a world like this, but Castiel was glad it was Dean that decided he was worth it.

Cas opened the door with the keycard and let himself fall back onto the king size bed he and Dean were sharing. He shrugged off his suit jacket and rolled up one of the sleeves of his dress shirt. Cas ran his fingers over the scars that resided there. Some faded to a white and some still purple-red. They were bumpy, just like his life.

Castiel knew that if any man could keep him together, that it would be Dean Winchester.

**~X~**

Castiel tried his best to stay awake, he really did. He tried watching horrible late night talk shows and re-runs of old sitcoms but he kept feeling himself being lulled to sleep. He got up to turn the light off but left the television on for some type of lighting for Dean when he got there.

Cas removed his black pants and dress shirt, getting under the thick red comforter in his boxers. His body relaxed into the plush bed and he almost fell asleep instantly after settling his head into the pillow.

He could have only been minutes into sleep when he heard the door of the room creak open, stirring him awake. Castiel wanted to sit up but the haze of sleep only granted him the strength to lean up a bit on his elbows.

"Dean…?" Castiel's hushed voice husked out.

Dean dropped a knife onto the floor and stumbled over to Castiel. Castiel was still hazy and when Dean fell into his arms on the bed he didn't immediately notice the blood all over his hands.

Cas looked at Dean with groggy blue eyes, curiously staring at the object of his affection. Dean grabbed Cas by the sides of his face, smearing blood on his face as he brought him roughly into him for a kiss.

Cas groaned at feeling the warm feeling of Dean, feeling slightly frantic when Dean moved so he was hovering over top of Cas and removing the plaid shirt from his shoulders.

After Dean slung the shirt to the floor he pushed his lips harder against Cas', moving frantically and nipping at his bottom lip. Cas grinned into the kiss and could feel himself wanting to laugh out of feeling all giddy.

Dean let their lips part and started laughing breathily along with Cas. Dean reached to pull his black t-shirt over his head and balled it up, tossing it to the floor. He then reached to unbutton the denim of his jeans, Cas watching the movements of Dean's fingers closely.

"Sorry I made you leave by yourself." Dean murmured, staring at Cas with a dumb smile. "I hope it wasn't too lonely."

Castiel shrugged, grin never leaving his face. "Just a little boring."

Dean moved the comforter out of the way so he could have access to Castiel's bare body. He leaned down and pressed his hands to on Cas' sides, running them up slowly and gently. Cas watched Dean's hands work the sensitive skin, eliciting a shiver from the blue eyed man.

"I can totally change that." Dean breathed out against Cas' skin, mouthing kisses onto his navel and barely letting his teeth graze the flesh.

Castiel let his head drop back against the pillow and just let himself _feel_. To feel Dean and everything he had to offer Castiel and his untouched body.

Dean was sucking on Cas' hipbone when Cas decided to fill Dean in on a little piece of information.

"Dean…" Castiel began the sentence as a slight groan, his skin tingling from Dean's actions.

Dean kept his mouth against Castiel's sharp hipbone and hummed a noise of question, only giving way to a pleasurable feeling against Castiel's skin.

"Dean I need to tell you some…thi-ng." Cas managed to get out in-between little pants.

Dean tilted his head up to look at Cas. Cas looked down to see that a hickey had began forming on his hip. His face flushed a little.

Cas cleared his throat and swallowed, guessing now was the best time to tell Dean. "Dean, before we do this…I need to tell you something."

Dean's face contorted into confusion. "You got the clap or somethin'?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, face still flushed. "No Dean, no. I'm…I've never done this before." Castiel felt so embarrassed and was pretty sure it shown on his face.

Dean quirked an eyebrow in intrigue. He hadn't expected this. Dean leaned on his elbow and began walking his fingers up Cas' abdomen.

"So you're telling me that a hot dude like you hasn't had his cherry popped yet?" Dean smirked.

Castiel groaned at the choice of words. "There is no 'cherry' to be popped when it comes to men."

Dean shrugged, ignoring the comment. Instead of saying anything further and ruining the moment, Dean went ahead and got back to work. He placed his hand on the bulge in Cas' boxers that was that start of an erection. Dean began rubbing at it with one hand while ghosting his lips over Cas' chest; eyes flicked up to look at Cas' face.

Castiel tried his best not to blush as Dean sucked more hickeys onto his pale skin. He swallowed thickly and looked into Dean's eyes, pleading.

"You…you still want to do this even though I'm a-"

"Fuck Cas," Dean began, dragging himself up so he could kiss Castiel on the corner of the mouth, trailing to kiss him fully on the lips. "you're such a fuckin' angel Cas, promise you won't ever break my heart?"

Castiel's face was just an inch away from Dean's as they breathed heavily together, staring at each other with heavy eyes and lonely hearts.

Cas grabbed Dean by the back of the neck and pulled him for another kiss, eliciting a small moan from Dean since it was unexpected. Cas delved his tongue inside and moved his lips against Dean's heatedly. Dean pushed Cas against the headboard and put his hand against the wall, straddling Cas' hips and grinding against them as he kissed back just as roughly.

When the two finally ran out of air they separated, panting with want and Dean couldn't stand the confines of his jeans any longer. Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean's.

Castiel grinned. "I could never break your heart, Dean Winchester. You're inside me, like a fucking disease."

* * *

**Sex in next chapter! Review to let me know what you think please, it motivates me and makes me super happy!**

**Sorry this took a week to update, a new girl in my neighborhood asked me out and we've been going on a few dates, and she stayed the night last night and let's just say, it was a really good night uwu Hope you enjoyed this chapter**


	9. Chapter 9

It was too much

Castiel felt like he was suffocating from all of the attention Dean was gracing him with. He couldn't tell if he was about to pass out or if he was wide awake. Everything was a haze. Everything except for Dean's lips on his neck that refused to sit still and only let up to mumble sweet things to Cas.

Cas had never wanted a man like this before, this fucking badly. He was usually a pretty chaste guy, but it was hard not to get all hot and bothered with Dean on top of him, marring his flesh with purple and red marks. Cas wanted to do everything to Dean, his mind raced with all the possible methods that he could use to get Dean off.

Dean somewhere along the way had managed to strip down to just his black boxer-briefs and once Castiel noticed it he hastily shoved his hands down the dark garment. Dean tipped his head back a bit, his lips leaving the place on Castiel's jaw line where they had resided for the past few minutes. Dean grinned as Castiel's hands kneaded against his erection with inexperienced hands.

Cas had never done this to another guy before, but he knew what felt good to his own body. Dean locked his eyes to Cas', still hovering over the blue eyed man and supporting his upper body on his elbows. Dean smiled hazily at Cas to give him encouragement, to let him know what he was doing felt good. Cas let his eyes travel downwards and they locked with the bulge that his hands were covertly rubbing.

Dean watched with wonder and lust as Castiel removed his hands from Dean's underwear and lay his palms flat on Dean's abdomen.

Castiel felt Dean's skin and his eyes traveled with his hands. He was so amazed by what was in front of him. He could do whatever he wanted with this man. Dean was practically giving himself to Castiel and that thought alone made Castiel smirk to himself.

Cas never thought sex, or foreplay for that matter, could be so thought provoking. Cas was pretty please at how patient Dean was being with him, it made him feel special. He was sure any other time Dean would be hurrying things along and was only set on getting an orgasm. But right now wasn't the time for that, Dean wanted Cas to feel something from this. He didn't want this to be some cheap fuck that left them both with a bad taste in their mouths.

Dean smiled gently and placed his hands over top of Castiel's with a glint in his green eyes. He slid Cas' hands down to the waist band of his black briefs, staring at Cas. Castiel got the silent message and gripped onto them with the guidance of Dean's own fingers. Together they slid down the thin material and Castiel could feel himself choking on what little air Dean hadn't already sucked out of his lungs.

Dean's underwear were sitting on his lower thighs, Cas' fingers still gripping the fabric tightly. Dean laughed in the back of his throat and grabbed hold of Castiel's hands again, guiding them up towards Dean's shoulders. After placing Cas' beautifully sculpted hands to rest on his body, Dean leaned down slowly, looking mesmerized by the moment itself. The inaudible placing of lips against lips didn't need to be heard because the fast pace of their hearts was loud enough.

For a moment Dean just held his lips against Cas', only moving to place chaste kisses to the other man's lower lip. The feeling of Cas' shuddering breath against his lips was beautiful enough to make a dead man smile. There was nothing about this that Dean could find wrong. He didn't care if he wasn't gay, Cas was what he wanted.

Castiel's hands on Dean's shoulders slid themselves to the back of Dean's neck, pulling him in to kiss him full on. At first a muffled sound of surprise came from Dean's sinful mouth but then he sighed blissfully into the kiss as if he had just discovered the best tasting thing in the world.

Castiel's nerves were all dissipating as Dean's lips moved skillfully. He opened his mouth for Dean, allowing the man to do whatever he wanted to inside. Dean smirked and kissed the corner of Cas' mouth before dipping his tongue inside a little.

Licking the inside of Castiel's upper lip, Dean decided it was pretty pointless to hold back on him. Dean slipped the length of his tongue inside of Castiel's mouth and made their lips touch. Once Cas' tongue found Dean's he could feel his groin twitch, urging him to lick at the inside of Dean's mouth eagerly.

Dean groaned into Cas' movement and began giving sloppy kisses that made him grind his naked body against Cas. As they moved against each other Dean placed his hands on Cas' hips and then trailed them up his sides, moving to his chest. Dean wanted to feel all of Cas. Every scar that Dean's rough hands felt made Dean want to make Cas feel even better, let him know he was supposed to feel pleasure and not pain.

Dean broke the kiss and leaned his forehead to touch against Cas', eyes mostly lidded. His heavy pants mixed with Cas' as they both tried to catch their breath, not really knowing if they wanted to.

One of Dean's hands found Cas' and gripped tightly. "Cas…."

Castiel swallowed at hearing his name, he had almost forgotten that words existed. Dean was really good at making him forget things and he liked that. He liked that a lot.

A low wine escaped the back of Castiel's throat when he tried to speak, only arousing Dean further.

Dean smiled weakly and pecked Cas on the lips. "Cas…baby, just let me…" Dean's eyes were glazed over and his hand squeezed tighter over Castiel's. "just let me fucking _touch _you I can't take _this_."

Cas was a little confused until Dean brought the hand he was holding to his groin, touching against Dean's obvious erection. Castiel's face heated up and he could tell what Dean meant. Castiel almost took pride in the fact that _he himself _had gotten Dean to this point of arousal.

Castiel nodded quickly, chewing on his bottom lip along with the act. Dean smiled, giving on more little squeeze to Cas' hand before slowly letting it go.

"Got me so fucking hot Cas…" Dean murmured while instructing Cas to lie down.

Castiel felt his own dick twitch and was wondering what Dean was planning on doing here. But Cas couldn't wonder too long because the feeling of his underwear becoming too tight was beginning to bother him.

Dean wasted no time in grabbing Castiel's underwear and shoving them down and off. Castiel wanted to cover his face in embarrassment, he'd never felt so exposed. But he didn't cover his face because Cas knew that Dean would only move his hands out of the way, probably giving him a kiss after his hands were out of the way.

Castiel had noticed how careful Dean was with his hands, always skilled and calculated in their movements. He guessed that years of decapitating bodies gave you hands like this, they knew what they were doing.

Dean glanced down towards Castiel's groin and then looked backed to Castiel. He leaned down to kiss against Cas' stubble specked jaw line, thoroughly enjoying the scratch against his skin.

"Cas…you need to tell me…" Dean breathed out in-between kisses. "if you don't like somethin'." He moved his lips to Cas' neck, making even more hickeys over the ones that had started to bloom beautifully. "…or if I hurt you, or if I do somethin' wrong. Don't be scared to tell me alright baby?"

There was honestly nothing better than having a dangerous man whisper such sweet things to you. It made Castiel feel so special, like he had some type of immunity. And _fuck_, when Dean called him _baby_ it sent shivers up and down his spine. Just the way the word left Dean's lips made Cas feel like he was being worshiped.

Dean took the kiss that Cas gave him as a sign of understanding.

Dean knew what he was going to do, he just had never done it before and didn't want to fuck things up or accidentally end up hurting Cas somehow. But Dean knew that you learned from your mistakes and that first times aren't always going to go exactly as planned. So why bother trying to plan them anyhow? He decided he just stop thinking and start doing something to Cas.

Dean looked down at his own fingers and then looked to Cas who was staring with a lust filled gaze and didn't seem to detect Dean's nervous expression.

It was only when Dean spit on two of his fingers that Cas decided to pay attention. An awkward look of uncertainty washed over Dean and he had wondered if maybe he shouldn't have done that. But Cas stayed on the bed, chest lifting up and down in a rhythm that comforted Dean's nerves.

Dean leaned down, supporting himself on one elbow to hover over Cas, their chests almost touching. Cas lifted his head up to give Dean a slow kiss made up of small movements and little sighs. Dean was glad that Castiel was relaxed because he'd need to be for what he was about to do.

During the kiss Dean moved his hand down in-between Castiel's legs and nudged at his thigh with his free elbow. Surprisingly enough, Castiel compliantly opened his legs for Dean as if he had expected this and wasn't at all surprised. Hell, Dean wasn't complaining.

Castiel only deepened the kiss as he spread his legs, hooking an arm around Dean's neck to be able to push into him. He wanted Dean to know that he wanted this and was completely comfortable with anything he'd have in mind.

Sucking on Cas' lip, Dean prodded the entrance that he had no experience with, testing Cas' reactions. Happy that Cas had only kissed him harder, Dean went ahead went for it.

A strong push and Dean's index finger was surrounded by tight heat. He was about to cringe and expected Cas to shove him away but when he looked to Cas, Dean was a little dumbfounded.

Castiel had his head tipped back against the pillow, letting out little sighs of pleasures. Dean cocked an eyebrow and decided to try moving his finger, slowly pulling it out and enjoying the feeling of Cas' insides dragging along.

The small groan from Cas was enough to make Dean ten times more aroused and curious at the same time. Wasn't this supposed to hurt?

Dean removed his finger, earning a confused sound from Cas who shot a glance towards him.

Dean's face was contorted into confusion. "Um Cas, I don't mean to pry or nothin' but uh…I thought you said you were a virgin?" Dean asked, mentally kicking himself at how he stumbled over his words. Only Cas had that effect on him.

Castiel's face mimicked Dean's confused look. "I am….?" He didn't know what Dean was getting at but he really wish he would get on with it so they could go back to what they were doing before Dean decided to start playing 20 questions.

Dean huffed. "Well I mean, you looked like you were _enjoying _that. Isn't it supposed to, y'know…hurt a little at least?"

Cas's face went back to normal and he smiled, finding it cute that Dean was confused about this. Cas sat up and rested his chin on his hand.

"Dean, I am a grown man." Cas started, enjoying Dean's expressions. "And what do men do when they're aroused and have no one to have sex with?"

If Dean wasn't already confused to hell and back he sure was now. "They…but don't you just jerk it? I mean dudes actually do it that way too?"

Dean looked like a little kid learning something interesting for the first time in his life.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Dean, I'm gay. I was very…keen on figuring out how my body reacted to certain things when I was a teenager. I suppose straight men do it too, but being attracted to men I guess I had no choice but see if I liked having something inside of me or not."

Dean looked down and swallowed thickly. "So what have you-"

"Just my fingers." Castiel nodded, smirking.

Dean's trademark smirk appeared on his face right where it belonged. "So fuckin' innocent Cas, it's kinda hot."

Castiel quirked an eyebrow before pulling Dean down on top of him, forcing him into a rough kiss with accidental grazes of teeth.

"Dean, I quit being innocent the moment I fell in love with you."

That was all she wrote for Dean. A possessive groan made it's way out of Dean's mouth as he went ahead and pushed his finger back in Cas, eliciting a smirk and a moan out of him.

Dean held Castiel's hips against the bed with one hand with a bruising force that would later be forgiven. Dean moved that one finger in and out slowly, making Castiel look a bit annoyed but he knew Dean was teasing him and didn't want to give him the satisfaction of complaining.

Cas could feel the drag of Dean's finger inside of him and it felt so damn good. It went in farther than he had ever gotten his own finger. Even though Dean didn't really know what he was doing it still felt good to have something inside.

Of course Cas didn't mind a the teasing at first, it was kind of endearing. But a man can only take so much before wanting more. But Cas couldn't just ask for it, not with Dean. Dean needed to be coaxed.

Castiel sat up on his elbows, staring into Dean's eyes. "You know it wouldn't hurt for you to pick up the pace, Dean." Cas husked out.

Dean smiled and only slowed the pace of his finger even more, nearly pissing Cas off. "Now why would I wanna do that?"

Castiel cocked his eyebrow, tilting his head to the side. "If you don't want people to know that Dean Winchester is a bad fuck, then I suggest you start doing something more." Castiel's low voice came out through the smile on his lips.

At first Dean seemed unaffected, making Cas curse himself internally. That is until he felt another finger join the one already moving inside of him. Dean's middle finger moved along side his index, picking the pace up just as Cas had wanted.

Castiel's elbows gave out and he found the back of his head pressed to the pillow again, eyes closed and lips parted. It took all he had not to let out a moan because fuck Dean's fingers were bigger than his own.

Dean didn't let up on the fast pace he had began, jabbing his fingers in and out trying to find a way to make Cas feel even fucking better. Dean moved to hover over Cas again so he could watch his face, see every little twitch of pleasure he put on display for him.

Castiel opened his eyes when he got used to the rough pace, letting out a mini moan with every harsh thrust of the two fingers. Dean kissed Castiel again, enjoying the way he was forced to swallow down the little moans coming from Castiel's mouth.

Dean decided to change the direction of his fingers. He didn't know if it mattered much but he thought it might help. Dean twisted his fingers a little, curling them and jabbing at the new angle.

Once Cas felt that stab of pleasure he pushed at Dean's shoulders, the man not budging. Cas' pushed into the crook of Dean's neck and his hips lifted off the bed a little in search of more movement.

Dean laughed lightly, letting up on the obviously sensitive spot. "So, guys have sweet spots up here?"

Castiel nodded into Dean's shoulder, insides clenching around the two fingers, not wanting them to leave.

Not saying anything further about the matter, Dean made sure to shove his fingers into that spot because _fuck_, seeing Cas lose it would be a sight to see.

The fast pace Dean had chosen was making his wrist ache but he ignored it, knowing it was worth it. He still wasn't satisfied with Cas' small moans and breathy sighs of pleasure, he knew more could come out of that pretty mouth.

As his fingers dragged out from a deep thrust, Dean added a third. He was happy that it went in with little resistance.

Castiel involuntarily spread his legs even more, tossing his head to the side and groaning rather loudly into the pillow.

"Fucking hell Cas…can't believe you're even real…" Dean whispered under his breath as his erection twitched at seeing Cas giving in.

With the added pressure of the third finger and the harsh jabs into his prostate, Cas kept his eyes closed and one hand clenched in the sheets.

Dean let a moan slip from his lips. He found Cas to be so arousing it was almost crazy.

"Cas…fuck Cas, you like being fingered, huh?" Dean whispered hotly, keeping his tone low as he tried to speed his fingers up even more.

Castiel would have answered but all he could find himself to do was moan. He didn't like talking during this, but hearing _Dean _only made the pleasure multiply tenfold.

Dean couldn't take it much longer, he was already painfully hard and precum was leaking out of the tip. He got over top of Cas and pressed their hips together, taking hold of both of their erections.

The stingingly hot feeling of their erections touching made Cas hiss. Dean's other hand still resided at Cas' backside, fingers inside but unmoving.

Dean began moving his hand against his and Cas' dick at a slow pace. Castiel opened his eyes and reached his hand up and move Dean's hand away, replacing it with his own.

Dean smirked and got the gist: Cas would take care of their dicks, he just needed to keep moving his fingers.

Cas was quick to go at it, going for a fast pace. He obviously wasn't one for waiting, and Dean was all for that kind of mindset.

Dean's fingers quickened to try and match the speed of Cas' hand, both of them moaning together and feeling overheated.

"You like this Cas? Like my fingers shoved inside of you like this?" Dean began feeling his abdomen tighten as Cas' hand moved over the tip of his dick and smear his precum over both of their erections. "I've killed people with these hands, you like knowing that? Fucking killed people with the same fingers fucking you right now. But you love that Cas, bet you're really into that kinda thing." Dean groaned the words out, leaning over a bit as his climax was building and his hand was cramping.

Castiel could feel the words effecting him. Having Dean's fingers in him and his dick against his wasn't really helping either. He suddenly became conscious of the blood drying on his face that Dean had smeared on his face earlier when he first came in. And it sort of alarmed Cas that it turned him on. The fact that Dean has killed people made him all hot inside.

Dean gritted his teeth, feeling so close to orgasm but wanted to bring Cas along over the edge with him.

"The bad man's fucking you and you love it don't you Cas? Could probably get off on seeing me slit someone's throat. Would you like that? Could fuck you right after when the blood all over me is still fresh." Dean spilled out incoherent sentences that he himself wasn't sure made sense. But he wasn't worried because it only made Cas moan even louder and his insides tighten.

Castiel smeared the precum together and gave a few more fast movements of his hands before he felt Dean push into his prostate one last time with strong fingers, sending him over the edge.

Dean was relieved to hear that groan mixed with a moan that signaled Cas' orgasm because that meant he didn't have to hold back anymore. Castiel came, most of it shooting onto his stomach and some of it dripping down his length. Dean finished about a millisecond afterwards, groaning at the feeling of release. Even thought he hadn't actually had his dick inside of something, it was one of the most rewarding orgasms he'd ever experienced.

Dean fell on top of Cas, feeling completely sated and in a wonderful afterglow that he didn't know could exist. The light of the television drowned their eyesight in the otherwise dark room, making them more alert of their surroundings.

Cas could feel the cum on both his and Dean's skin becoming uncomfortably gross against his skin. He frowned a little.

"Dean…" Castiel spoke first, tone as gravelly as ever.

Dean smiled, pecking Cas on the lips. "Am I heavy?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "No, but I'd like you to get off of me so I can clean our semen up. I don't exactly enjoy having dried up bodily fluids all over me."

Dean rolled over with a playful groan, and laid next to Cas. "You wanna lick it up? First person to gag loses."

Castiel grimaced. "You're absolutely disgusting." He tried to hide the laugh that threatened to escape from the back of his throat.

"I'm disgusting? You've got some dead waiter's blood on your face and you're worried about our jizz."

Castiel reached his hand up to touch his face, feeling the dried up blood. Some of it was flaky and some was still a bit wet and sticky.

Dean smiled and mouthed a smug 'told you so' at Castiel before getting a pillow thrown at his face.

Cas got up out of bed to take shower, hoping that whenever he got out Dean would have cleaned up by then as well.

**~x~**

There was something very endearing about lying in bed and watching television with Dean. Whether it was an infomercial or an old show he always had some type of commentary that made it hilarious. Cas liked that Dean could make him laugh, it was almost like his depression didn't even exist.

When it came that time of night where there was nothing but paid programming on they decided to switch the television off, not really interesting in hearing about products no one would ever even want.

It was dark expect for the little sliver light coming from behind the curtains. Dean had one arm extended to drape over Cas' side, just wanting to have some sort of contact with him while they slept.

Castiel had a bad habit of letting his mind wander at night when he was trying to get to sleep. It refused to shut up before he talked about whatever was bothering him.

"Dean?" Cas broke the sweet silence that had set in and they had become comfortable in it.

Dean shifted a little bit, muttering a sleep "hmm?"

Castiel swallowed, not really sure if should ask.

"When are you going to tell me what happened to your brother?"

Castiel noticed that Dean's breath stuttered after he processed the question. Dean pressed a small kiss to the back of Cas' neck.

"Tomorrow, remind me in the morning."

* * *

**They'll go all the way in the next chapter, didn't want them to seemed rushed. Ready to find out what happened to Sammy? **


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up next to Cas was nice, but after all of the weird stuff he said last night during sex, Dean was a little weary that things might be awkward. Dean was really hoping that Cas would have woken up first, but sadly he's just not that lucky.

Dean propped his head up on his hand, leaning on the bed with his elbow. He gazed at Castiel longingly, wondering how someone could possibly make him feel like this. Dean knew it wasn't because they'd had sex, he's had plenty of one night stands with chicks that ended routinely with Dean kicking them out first thing in the morning.

Dean liked the way Castiel breathed, deeply with too many seconds in between each one. Damn he wished he could write poetry. If he could he'd write something real pretty about Castiel's eyes, his hipbones, his smile, or maybe even his scars. Dean was really starting to fall in love with those things, they reminded him that Castiel was hurting but also that he was strong enough to still be here.

Dean smiled involuntarily as he got up off the soft hotel bed. He was happy to see that Cas didn't even shift in his sleep. Dean walked over to the window and stretched. It was supposed to rain today. He liked rainy weather and didn't understand the people that didn't.

Gripping the top of each panel, Dean pulled them aside to let the light in. it was a dull light since the grey of the clouds were masking the sun. This window was about the size of the one had in his bedroom as a kid. Dean could remember the night he heard men yelling outside and opened his bedroom curtains to see what was going on. His dad was outside in handcuffs yelling at police officer while his female partner was talking to Mary, who was beat up, asking her what had happened.

Dean shook his head. He didn't want to think of that stuff anymore. We never appreciate the good moments until they're gone, so Dean wanted to think about now. Think about how Cas was lying in bed and how he wanted to kiss him awake.

And then Dean remembered last night before he had fallen asleep. What he had told Castiel. He swallowed, feeling like something was blocking his throat. It was probably the guilt.

He paced around the room, at one point even stopping to wake Cas up, but decided he needed more time to think. Dean wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about Sam yet. Especially with Castiel. What would he think of him, especially after all the bad shit he already knew about Dean.

But Dean wasn't going to no tell him, he had told Cas that he would. Dean always stands by his word, promise or not.

**~X~**

It wasn't until around noon that Castiel had woken up. Last night must have really knocked him out. Castiel sat up and wrapped his hands in the comforter since his hands were cold. He spotted Dean sitting on the end up the bed watching the news with the volume turned down so it wouldn't wake him up.

Castiel smiled. Watching Dean do mundane things really made him light up inside. Dean was such a beautiful man.

Cas crawled over to Dean who hadn't even noticed the blue eyed man was awake yet. Once he was by Dean, Cas laid his had in Deans lap, looking up at him.

"Morning." Cas' husky voice came with a smile and a loving look.

Dean looked a little startled at first but then he smiled. He was about to return the greeting but Cas had sat up and pulled him in for a kiss. It was just a small kiss, all lips no tongue. Dean was really started to prefer these types of kisses.

When Cas moved away Dean was smiling like an idiot.

Cas sat next to Dean and looked at the weather forecast displayed on the television. It was going to rain, which Cas liked. But what he wasn't looking forward to was that it was going to be thirty degrees.

"What have you been doing while I was asleep?"

"Waiting for you to wake up." Dean answered matter-of-factly

Castiel liked that answer. He liked it a lot. He liked Dean a lot.

Cas plopped backwards on the bed and closed his eyes. He wanted to ask Dean about Sam but wasn't sure how to bring it up exactly. He didn't want to come off as nosey.

When Castiel opened his eyes he expected to see the ceiling, not Dean's dewy green eyes staring right back.

Cas felt his face heat up but stayed in the position they were in, Dean hovering over him, noses touching.

Dean laughed in the back of his throat and smiled. "Damn Cas, still wondering how the fuck I landed you in my life."

"I could say the same thing." Cas replied, sitting up and making sure his feet were covered up. He wanted to ask Dean to turn the heat on but didn't want to be a bother. "You say the nastiest shit in bed and I love it." Cas smirked, his sleepy haze coming back.

Dean smiled proudly, nodding his head once. "How about we get room service? It's just one of them days where you wanna stay in and enjoy the rain."

Castiel nodded in agreement. The weather was making him tired and he just wanted to curl up and sleep some more. He looked to Dean who was over by the phone about to order their food.

"Is it okay if I sleep some more?" Cas asked, wanting to rest while they waited.

Dean picked the phone up. "As long as you promise to wake up."

**~X~**

Castiel woke up to something cold against is nose, attempting to bat it away with his hand but something held it there. He groaned, opening up his blue eyes.

Dean was leaning over top of him pressing a spoon to his nose and looking as if he was trying to hold in a laugh. Castiel made a face at Dean and sat up.

"Really? You couldn't have thought of another way to wake me up?" Cas asked while cracking his knuckles and glaring at Dean.

Dean laughed and sat the spoon on the tray that he had sat on the end of the bed.

"Lighten up Cas, it was either that or kissing you. I went with whatever I thought would piss you off less." Dean smiled reaching for a bowl of soup and offering it to Cas.

Cas took the warm bowl in his hands and sat it down overtop his knees through the blanket. "So what is this exactly?"

Dean shrugged, reaching for a sandwich. "No clue, just know it's soup and that it's hot. You're really cold all the time so I asked them for whatever they thought was the best."

Cas nodded, smiling internally as he started sipping at it with his spoon. It became quiet, and of course Dean didn't like the quiet. The fact that he had Cas around was probably why he hadn't been killing so much. Dean was usually bored with his life and things were always quiet.

Dean sat down his food and his eyes flicked to Castiel. "So uh, Cas? Anything you wanna talk about?"

Cas was waiting for Dean to ask that question. He'd been wanting to ask about Sam but never had the opportunity to ask Dean about it without sounding like he was overly eager to find out.

Cas sighed and sat his bowl on the night stand. "I want to know about your brother."

Dean had forgotten about that for the past hour, that he was supposed to tell Cas about that. Dean didn't want to tell Cas, he didn't want to tell anyone. He was a bad enough person already. But when Dean looked at Castiel he found it hard to say no.

"Please Cas…just promise me something?" Dean couldn't look at Cas while he spoke so he averted his eyes to the comforter.

"Anything"

"Please promise me you won't think anything different of me? I know I'm already a bad guy but I'm sure you have your limits." Dean said hurriedly as if the words burned his throat as they came out.

Castiel grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him on the lips. He held his lips there for a moment until he felt Dean sigh into them, kissing back and relaxing. Castiel withdrew and sat back.

"Dean Winchester, nothing you can say will make me leave you so just tell me." Cas' soothingly raspy voice murmured, trying to get Dean to relax.

Dean nodded, swallowing before beginning the story. "I was 17 when I killed our dad. Sammy really didn't mind much because he knew our dad was a complete dick."

Dean looked up to Cas to see how he was reacting so far, earning a nod in return.

Dean sat his hands in his lap and began picking at his fingernails. "I thought I was old enough to take care of us both. I didn't want Sam to have to go into a foster home or anything like that so I got a job and tried to make sure Sam was going to school. I worked at my uncle's car lot slash repair shop for awhile to make money. Bobby would often slip more than he should have into my paycheck to help us out. He even offered to let us live with him but I always told him I could take care of Sam myself. We were doin' pretty good for awhile there and it was like nothing bad had ever really happened. But Bobby went away hunting with some friends for an entire month one time and that's when things got real bad. I had a hard time keeping money in the house and Sam just didn't understand that it wasn't that easy to go out and get money. Usually he would just make comments about it and act all pissy but one night we got into it real good. When Sammy got home from school he was real mad and started yelling at me about food. I told him I'd take care of it when Bobby came back but that wasn't good enough for him. He started yellin' at me Cas, like full on screaming at me. I didn't even say anything back but he just kept on going and going. I was gonna walk away and go to my room but before I could leave, Sam said somethin' that I just couldn't let go."

Dean looked up to Cas like he wanted to stop talking. They could be having a good time right now, talking about something nice or planning out their day. Dean didn't want things to be all about him anymore. He wanted to hear about Cas, how Cas was feeling, how bad it made him feel when his father disowned him. But Dean knew that before that could happen he'd have to finish up with his own past.

"He told me I was a shit brother and that he'd rather be in a foster home than live with me. That's when…I got the handgun…out of the drawer." Dean's words slowed down and he stared out like he was imagining it all in his head.

Castiel leaned over and gripped Dean's hand tightly, trying to get him to snap out of it. "Dean stop, if it's making you feel bad then you can stop."

Dean's eyes met Castiel's. "I didn't mean to do it Cas, I really didn't. It was the yelling and the insults; it reminded me so much of our dad so I just shot him without thinking. It was so fucking quiet after the gunshot and I was so scared I thought I'd killed him. But he was still breathing and I was happy for a second there but I knew I couldn't call an ambulance or anything because I'd go to prison and he'd get taken away. So I shot him again Cas, I shot Sammy over and over again 'til I was sure he didn't have a pulse and I-"

Dean felt a hand on his shoulder, gripping it harshly. "Stop Dean. This is too stressful for you." Castiel peered into his eyes, trying to figure out what was going through his head.

At seeing Dean digging his fingernails into his thigh Cas frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. He got up off the bed and walked over to his pants that were slung over the back of a chair. Well _technically _they weren't _his _pants, but Dean had let him borrow the denim jeans so they were for now.

Dean watched, panicked and partially dumfounded as Castiel pulled the garment over top of his lean legs and reached for his trench coat. Dean assumed that Castiel was about to walk out on him or something, his heart racing from the thought of that and the flashbacks.

Cas, now fully dressed, reached down for Dean's hand, grabbing it and pulling on it to try and get him up off the bed.

Dean allowed himself to be dragged up and his feet planted onto the floor. "Where are we going?"

Cas threw Dean his green jacket and gestured his head in the direction of the hotel room door.

"We're going to go kill someone Dean, It will make you feel better." Cas' husky voice trailed out the words.

Dean was pretty shocked that Cas had that in mind. "Cas are you sure? I mean are you really okay with my goin' out and killing still?"

Castiel nodded, rolling his eyes. "Dean you know I'm fine with it. I just want you to be happy, don't you know that already?"

Dean shook his head and let his eyes trail to the floor. "Man Cas, I'd do anything for you. If you want me to stop just say so. I'd go clean for you Cas. I'd move, get a job, hell I'd get a fucking career if you asked me to. Work at a desk and all that boring shit."

Cas' eyebrows creased and he grabbed Dean by the shoulders. "Dean lis-"

Dean looked into Cas' eyes endearingly and he grabbed his stubble-dusted face by his hands. "I'm serious Cas. I'll buy you house, you want a house? On the beach? The city? Out in the country? Anything and anywhere you want it baby, just tell me and I'll do it for you."

Cas felt what he could only call a mixture of love and remorse. It was nice to hear all those things but Dean was really broken up right now inside and something needed to be done.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and leaned in to kiss him, tongue dipping past his lips just enough to make Dean's lips tremble.

Cas left his lips ghosting over Dean's, giving him just enough room to talk. "We can discuss all of that later, Dean."

Dean nodded, kissing Cas on the lips tenderly for a second. Castiel smiled into the kiss and sighed, glad that Dean agreed.

"Good, let's go."

Dean shrugged his jacket on and grabbed the keycard and the keys to the impala off of the table before walking to the door with Cas and opening it. He felt kind of bad for being excited that he and Cas were about to go kill someone together but he knew he couldn't help it. It was just Dean's nature to find pleasure in the bad things in life.

* * *

**I think I'm gonna update once a week to keep a steady schedule. Murder and Sex fo sho in the next chapter.**

**Also! If you feel like I'm taking too long to update, follow my tumblr and shoot me an ask yelling at me to write - wiltingboy **


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